


oh wise one

by atomicmuffin



Category: Naruto
Genre: Advising The Hokage, Akimichi Chouji Is A Good Bro, And So Is Nara Yoshino, And Will Make His Ship A Reality, Another Mission Trope, BAMF Hyuuga Hinata, Becoming Hokake Dattebayo, Canonical Character Death, Character Development, Complicated Relationships, Crack, Crack Treated Seriously, Crack Treated Way Too Seriously, Cross-Posted on FanFiction.Net, Developing Relationship, Domestic Fluff, Drunkenness, F/M, Grief/Mourning, Haruno Sakura Is Terrifying, Hatake Kakashi is a Troll, Humor, Hyuuga Hinata Has All The Game, Improbable Politics, Iruka Is So Done With Those People, Kakashi Ships Them, M/M, Men Being Awesome Too Because Why Not, Minor Original Character(s), Mission Trope, Multi, Nara Shikamaru Has No Game, Nara Shikamaru-centric, Naruto Shipping Squad, Neither Does Naruto, No Smut, OT3, Oblivious Uzumaki Naruto, Pining, Polyamory, Sai is an awkward bean trying his goddamn best, Smooth Nara Shikamaru, Temari Accepts No Bullshit, Temari Is A Harsh Bro, Trollkage Kakashi, Women Being Awesome, for now, i know next to nothing about politics, just kidding, shitty political plot, so much pining, three thugs harmed for the sake of the Plot
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-06-24
Updated: 2018-12-05
Packaged: 2019-05-27 19:07:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 35,062
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15031310
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/atomicmuffin/pseuds/atomicmuffin
Summary: A good advisor would not waste time and brain resources pining for their Hokage. Or their Hokage's wife. Possibly both.Unfortunately, Nara Shikamaru was not that advisor.





	1. The Awful, Terrible, Not Good At All Eyes Effect

At the end of Uzumaki Naruto and Hyuuga Hinata's painfully tortuous courtship, everyone got their just dessert.

Naruto got the supportive companion his younger self wouldn't have dared dream of. A beautiful, devoted, ass-kicking woman at his side to brighten his days and ground his temper. Hinata got the oblivious dunce she had been crushing on  _forever_  to first notice her existence, then notice her awesomeness, and then notice the amazing woman beneath all that.

The village got a First Lady to gloat about to whoever wanted to be informed about how pretty Hinata-sama looked in that yukata, and have you heard about how she kicked those bandits out of the Capital? Most importantly they got a grand marriage to get spectacularly wasted during, which was all Konoha habitants wanted in life.

And Shikamaru? Well Shikamaru got the pleasure of handling the Office and stopping Konoha from collapsing in the Hokage's absence for three whole days. Which wasn't that different from usual, except he didn't have to deal with Naruto's Oh-My-God-What-Am-I-Doing daily crisis.

So, really, everyone got their happy ending.

Seriously.

Shikamaru was just  _fine_.

.

.

Shikamaru's life got sidetracked from 'average shinobi with two point five average children' to 'chief advisor of the Hokage, in all things from international treaties to lovelife management' only because of the Eyes. The beginning of his life-project's downfall went like approximately like this:

"Hey Shikamaru..." The Eyes perked up.

"Nope."

"So you're like, super smart?" The Eyes thought they were being subtle. They weren't, even for a non-Nara interlocutor. They were, however, criminally cute.

"I'm not hearing you."

"Honestly I could use some help from a friend," The Eyes brought out the big jutsus, shamelessly slamming the bro card on the negotiating table.

"Can't you ask someone else?  _Anyone_?" Shikamaru couldn't be the only choice in Konoha to guide the future Hokage towards bureaucratic competency.

"Come on Shika! It's not forever!" The Eyes narrowed in, feeding off weakness like a shark on blood. "I'll let you nap anytime you want."

And there Shikamaru should have held on his initial position. He should have said,

"No, Naruto, I don't want to coach you on diplomacy, economy, history, politics and whatever else you missed out during our Academy time because of your non-existent attention span and your crappy childhood. No, Naruto, I don't want to spend hours and hours buried in paperwork trying to keep this Village from killing itself. No, Naruto, I don't want to guard your precious ass every hour of every day and stop you from sabotaging yourself. No, Naruto, I don't want to help you get the woman of your dreams without at least getting some sexual compensation for myself out of the trouble."

Or he should have outright run for his life. No one who had ever been subjected to The Eyes would have blamed him. It was not weakness, but self-preservation, any shinobi worth their salt could respect that.

Instead Shikamaru said: "Ugh" and The Eyes went straight for the kill. "Please, Shika, I really need  _your_  help."

Shikamaru pinpointed that moment where his life definitely got out of control, but really it started earlier than that. It started the moment Shikamaru watched a loud, disrespectful, attention-seeking lonely child and saw someone worth following.

"Geez, fine. Just for a few weeks, alright?"

"Of course! You're the BEST!" The Eyes had gone all twinkly and warm and happy and Shikamaru might or might not have forgotten how to breath for a minute under the tsunami of raw trust.

Naturally, three years later, Shikamaru was still there, hovering behind Naruto's shoulder, with the addition of a minor paycheck, a clearance for  _everything_ , an office full of paperwork, five minions for his personal use, a key to Naruto's house and none of the promised napping time.

Also, still no sexual compensation. Not even one tiny pity blowjob.

Shikamaru had no idea why he did such things to himself.

.

.

Most clan children learnt at a young age how to weaponize their own body, to bend their soft flesh into sharp edges, to bite back their smiles and tears, and hide them underneath the mask, to force their axe bones into straight rulers. As future shinobi they weren't allowed anything but perfect control of their back and feet and hands and head, all in honor of the shinobi lifestyle.

Nara children, however understood the importance in their profession of looking as harmless as possible unless you decided otherwise. They drag their feet, melt their bones into puddles of decadent laziness and dropped their mouth into lenient smirks. And in his awkward family of professional arseholes, Shikamaru was the very best. He could whine like there was no tomorrow, drawl out full sentences into oblivion, drag out his entire body, shrug with the best of them, or maintain an expression of fatal boredom for hours. But first and foremost, Shikamaru was a professional sloucher. He shamelessly slouched everywhere, in his house, at the academy, during training, during missions, in front of everyone, including his mother, the scariest woman in the Elemental Countries.

But even he wouldn't push his luck so far as to slouch in front of his Hokage. Though said Hokage was no newbie at the lazy arts either. One might go as far as say Hatake Kakashi could out-slouch most of the Naras those days.

"Ah, Nara-kun," Hokage-sama cheerfully greeted the chuunin. "Here you are!"

 _You're the one who called me_ , Shikamaru wisely did not snap. "Hokage-sama," he said instead, his back bending in a form even the most uptight of Hyuugas wouldn't have spit upon. "Iruka-sensei."

His former teacher smiled benevolently at him from behind the Hokage's desk. How a man usually so reasonable could have let himself get roped into babysitting Hatake bemused Shikamaru to no end, and no, the irony of that statement had not escaped his notice.

"Yes, yes," Hokage-same waved aimlessly at his shinobi. "Enough of those pleasantries. Down to business. I'm quite a busy man, or so I've heard."

"Busy making my life hell," Iruka-sensei grumbled between his teeth as Hatake sneaked a besotted glance to the side. Shikamaru politely ignored their foreplay bickering. Whatever happened on that desk,  _he didn't want to know._

"Naruto told me you offered to help him," Hokage-sama happily declared. Shikamaru took the liberty to replace 'Naruto' by 'the ANBU on babysitting duty' and 'offered to help me' by 'got bullied by my baby student to do his homework in his stead. I'm so proud of my ducklings, ruining lives all over the world'.

"Hokage-sama," he deadpanned, his face a study in casual indifference.

Under his mask, Hokage-sama pouted at his shinobi's lack of reaction. His visible eye got all-droopy in mock disappointment. "You're not being very forthcoming Nara-kun. Anyway, I think it's a great idea!"

The man he couldn't stop calling Iruka-sensei despite the fact he hadn't set a foot in a classroom in five years beamed approvingly, and Shikamaru felt an spike of fear run all over his spine. If those two unanimously agreed on something, it could only be the premise of a disaster.

"In fact I think it's such a great idea I decided to make it official," Hokage-sama casually destroyed whatever hopes of a uneventful life his subordonate had left.

"Hokage-sama I don't think that's necessa..." Shikamaru tried as a last resort.

"So congratulations on your promotion as Hokage's Assistant!" Hokage-sama cheerfully ignored his protests. "It's a great position, if I may so myself, isn't it Iruka-sensei?"

Iruka-sensei rolled his eyes, trying to look exasperated but only managing reluctant fondness instead. "Why are you even calling me sensei? I was never  _your_  sensei."

"Oh in my fantasies you were, Iruka-sensei," Hokage-sama tutted appreciatively.

Shikamaru got the fuck out of the Gay Zone faster than Sasuke could run away from his inner feelings, and silently resigned himself to do so from the next five years, at least. If only he had just  _their_ latent sexual tension to deal with, instead of his own.

.

.

Two months into their 'It's Only A Temporary Arrangement', Naruto was not even bothering to pretend Shikamaru had a life of his own, since he didn't mind barging in Shikamaru's house in the little time his advisor had left for himself.

"Shikamaru," his Hokage-to-be said, without acknowledging the kunai Shikamaru almost threw to his awful, terrible, pretty face. " _Shikamaru_."

"What." He grumbled, falling back on his bed vindically. If Konoha wasn't being invaded  _right now_ , he swore to the Sage...

"Shikamaru," Naruto said his name again, like he honestly thought the Nara held all the answers of the universe. Which wasn't doing anything to his lower parts, nope. "I think Hinata is in l... I mean she..ugh..." Whatever wasn't happening with his lower section dropped down Chidori fast.

When it became clear Naruto could handle being the jailor for a chakra powerhouse beast, bringing traitors back into the fold, converting irredeemable enemies to the Right Path, leading the Fourth Shinobi War, but not say the L-world, Shikamaru took pity on the stuttering mess.

"In love with you? No shit," he mumbled unhappily to his pillow.

"Yeah, that," the jinchuuriki breathed in relief that someone else had said it for him.

Shikamaru patiently waited for more information. Which didn't came. "And?"

"And?! What am I supposed to  _DO_?" Naruto shook all his limbs around for emphasis regarding the urgency of the situation.

He  _really_  wasn't paid enough to deal with this nonsense. "She's been in love with you for forever. You know that.  _Everyone_ know that. Why is this a problem now?"

Honestly. Hinata had shouted her love for everyone to hear in such an unequivocal way not even the most obvious dunce in Konoha could have missed the message. Although he'd never bothered replying, as far as Shikamaru knew.

A pause. Naruto was no longer imitating an octopus on drugs, but had fallen the bed instead, because clearly nothing that belonged to Shikamaru would be spared from the invasion. "I thought she didn't..you know...really meant it. Just got caught up in the moment, something like that?"

God, save your servant from knuckleheads with trust and self-esteem issues the size of Uchiha Sasuke's ego. "Hinata  _literally_ jumped in the arena to fight the leader of S-ranked criminal organisation for you. She said she loved you, to your face, in public. What else does a girl need to do for you to take her seriously?"

"Yeah well, no one ever said they loved me before, ya know, so sorry for not being equipped to deal with feelings!" Naruto snapped as he bolted angrily from the bed.

Well, crap.

It was really not the hour for this shit. Shikamaru had been raised in a clan where every public display of affection were deemed as 'troublesome'.  _He_  wasn't equipped to deal with feelings either. Naruto couldn't go to someone with an actual understanding of female psychology, like Sakura? Nobody had mentioned  _this_  being part of the job.

Anyway. Naruto was there already, putting all his inner pain at Shikamaru's feet. The Nara would just have to suck it up and deal with years of trauma at three in the morning, no problem.

Shikamaru sat on his bed and turned to face his future Hokage. Who looked deeply embarrassed by his outburst and ready to flee any second now. It simply wouldn't do.

"Naruto, sit down," he tapped the mattress next to him with what he hoped was a friendly but neutral expression.

"Yeah, I think I'm gonna go now, sorryaboutthebother!" The jinchuuriki would have bolted out of the room if Shikamaru hadn't held him back by grabbing his vest.

"Sit. The Fuck. Down," Shikamaru gritted his teeth as he practically forced his friend back on the bed. "There. Okay. So."

No going back. No regrets. Shikamaru took a deep breath and ignored the urge to bury himself into his bed and never come out, because who needed social interactions anyway?

"I love you."

The Eyes went all huge and blue and glistening. Overwhelming with more emotions than Shikamaru ever felt in his entire life, or so he told himself. God, feelings were  _exhausting_. No wonder Nara men avoided them like the plague.

"And so does Sakura, and Kakashi-sensei. Chouji and Ino. Kiba, Shino, Tenten, Lee. Tsunade-sama, Gaara-sama and all those people you like to hoard." Shikamaru kept going before Naruto could jump to the wrong (definitely right) conclusions. "I'm not sure Sai has the emotional capacity but if he did, he would love you too."

Shikamaru carefully avoided to mention Sasuke. Because even though he believed the Uchiha  _did_  love Naruto, in his own sick, twisted way, he also thought Naruto was better off without it.

"And yes, Hinata is in love with you. Has been for a very long time," he added before he could convince himself otherwise. "So you're not unloved anymore. You're not alone. Please take that into consideration the next time you feel like rushing recklessly into danger."

"Shikamaru..." the orange pest breathed, his voice wavering with emotion. "Warn a guy before you drop stuff like that! It's like, super embarrassing, ya know!"

Shikamaru did know. And now Naruto was crying. Outright, unbashful  _crying_. "But...thanks! I love you guys, too, believe it," the Uzumaki snorted through his manly tears.

As per the Bro Code, Shikamaru allowed himself to pat his buddy on the back. Naruto either didn't know the Bro Code or didn't care, because he went straight for the hug. The Nara founded himself strandled with a lapful of upset Uzumaki, which he might have fantasized about occasionally. Not exactly what he had in mind.

"There, there," he mumbled, trying to keep the panic internalized. Shikamaru didn't have an extensive experience of hugs between buddies. Where were his hands even supposed to  _go_?

Naruto eventually let him go. Shikamaru told himself he wasn't missing the warm embrace already. "So..sorry. Aha, I go a bit overboard when I'm caught off guard!"

As if he didn't know. "It's fine," Shikamaru grumbled as he avoided to the sheepish-looking blond. "So, about Hinata, you should let her down gently if you're not interested. She deserves closure at least."

"What if I don't know if I'm interested or not?"

 _Be still my heart_ , Shikamaru silently ordered his rebellious organ. "I guess a date can't hurt, Naruto."

"Right. Right!" Another sheepish look. "And, uh. How does one date, exactly?"

He wanted to scream,

" _How would I know? Do you see me drowning with potential significant others? No, because I'm too busy pinning from afar for an oblivious idiot!"_

Instead he said, "We'll come up with a plan tomorrow." Shikamaru could do plans. Shikamaru  _ruled_  at plans. One of his few redeeming qualities, strategizing.

"Oh gee, thanks!" Naruto deflated with sheer relief. "You really are the best Shika! I owe you like, big time!"

"Yeah, yeah, whatever," Shikamaru fell back into his bed, trying not to giggle happily because they just had a  _moment_. He wasn't a freaking girl yet.

Naruto had vanished before Shikamaru could invite him to stay over or something. It probably was for the best.

.

.

"I heard noises from your room last night," his mother greeted him the next morning as she poured tea in his cup. "Something you want to share with your loving and supportive mother?"

"Not really, no" Shikamaru groaned over his rice. The last thing he needed was his mother being even nosier than usual.

"That's funny. I also saw Naruto-kun exit from your window. What a strange coincidence," Yoshino smiled pleasantly, like a shark.

"Do you ever sleep, or do you just stare at my window all night?" Shikamaru went straight to the offensive, hoping to distract her from her interrogation.

It didn't work. Of all the times to not get angry at him. . .

"Don't take that tone with me young man, I was worried. It's not like you to  _entertain_  guests so late." her smile had lost all pretences of politeness and slipped into outward predatory. "Naruto-kun is such a nice young man. Everyone says he's going to be Hokage when Rokudaime-sama steps out..."

Shikamaru stared intensely at his rice without answering. Of all things, his mother had to grant her permission for a relationship that would never happen. She meant well of course, but right now it just plain hurt.

"I wouldn't mind having him for dinner," Yoshino added pointedly.

"He's going to date Hyuuga Hinata," Shikamaru blurted out abruptly. Best to set things right before she got any further ideas.

"Oh." Her eyes lowered. Full of sadness for her poor son and his foolish heart bursting with unrequited affections.

She knew of course. People never gave Nara Yoshino enough credit. They only saw Nara Shikaku's wife and Nara Shikamaru's mother. It was a mistake, because his mother might not be as scarily smart as the men in her life, but she was no pushover either. She  _saw_  things, things that sometimes completely escaped her son's notice.

"Well that's too bad for him," Yoshino added decisively, as if not getting to date her son was a true loss.

Shikamaru hid his smile in his tea.

.

.

The Plan went roughly like this:

Step one: Find a date location.

" _Not_  Ichiraku," Shikamaru stopped his future Hokage before he tried to speak. Due to thorough exposure to Naruto's. . .Naruto-ness, the Nara could recognize and take down pre-ramen Eyes two seconds before they even happened. "This date is about Hinata-san, not you."

"Everyone likes Ichiraku, ya know," Naruto mumbled defensively.

He probably didn't want to admit he had no idea what kind of place Hinata would like to go. Because Shikamaru was a shitty friend, he thought that Naruto should ask out someone he actually  _knew_ , like, for example Shikamaru. He wasn't shitty enough to say that out loud though. Or brave enough, depending on the point of view.

"I think Hinata-san enjoys pastries. Chouji know a nice tea house near the Hokage Tower. Their buns are, I quote, to die for."

Step two: Find date's date.

Which, with two fully active high-ranked shinobi was harder than it should be.

"Just bully one of the desk-chuunin into giving you her schedule. They're all either terrified or in love with you."

"WHAT? That's not true!" Naruto spurred, scandalized. In his or the chuunins's behalf, Shikamaru wasn't sure.

"Just try it. Bat your lashes, and I bet they'll fall over themselves to give you what you want," he smirked at Naruto's blushing cheeks.

It totally worked. Shikamaru wasn't the future Hokage's advisor for nothing.

Step three: Get the target to agree to the date.

"Ohmygod I can't do this !" Naruto moaned pitifully with mortification at the simple thought of asking a girl out  _for real_.

"Of course you can. She's already in love with you idiot," Shikamaru rolled his eyes at the blond's antics. "You asked Sakura on dates a hundred time."

"Yeah, when I was  _twelve_  and knew she'd never say yes anyway! I bet Hinata fell out of love or something. I bet she's going to  _laugh_."

Okay no. Just, no. That was just offensive to everyone who had to watch Hyuuga Hinata stumble over her own feelings over and over. Shikamaru pinched in his nose tiredly and prepared himself for an  _intervention_.

"Naruto, here's what you're going to do. You're going to ask Hinata for a minute of her time. Then, you will apologize for not replying to her confession sooner. You will thank her for her affection, and also for risking her life to save yours. You will tell her that you can't return her feelings at the moment, but you're willing to try."

Shikamaru paused before going for the kill. "And then you ask her on a date."

And Naruto did, stuttering and blushing all the way. Must be nice for Hinata not to be one falling over themselves for once. She agreed, of course.

The Plan worked perfectly. Shikamaru's plans often did. And the next morning Naruto spent an entire hour gushing about Hinata-chan, how pretty she looked and how nice she was and she liked gardening too, could you believe it?

Wasn't Hinata-chan  _amazing_ , right?

Right.

.

.

Empty bottles of sake piled up all over the counter, the familiar smell of alcohol imbued the air of the bar. At least two tables had been ravaged, their broken remains scattered over the wooden floor, and Shikamaru knew for a fact five bones of unwise shinobi had been fractured already. From behind his counter, the bartender had the look of a man ready to kill to get his hellish night to end.

And in the middle of the battle-like zone, Haruno Sakura.

Completely  _wasted_.

In general, Shikamaru didn't liked the nickname of 'New Sannin' the former Team Seven had been branded with. Partly because his mind couldn't seem to combine his memories of three brats to such an heavy title, no matter how strong and influential said brats had gotten. But mostly because making comparisons was the quickest way to make erroneous analysis. People had their own personalities, and were not copies of their teachers. Sasuke had many faults, and by the Sage didn't he, but he was not Orochimaru, neither was Naruto Jiraiya's copy. Seemingly, Sakura was no Tsunade.

Even though at that instant, Shikamaru had to admit the resemblance was nothing less than striking. He briefly considered walking away from the disaster. Ino could abuse her power over ANBU and send all the threatening notes she wanted, Shikamaru was no lackey of hers.

"Hey, Sakura," he eventually said as he leant against a pillar, his hands in his pocket and his eyes half-closed. Better to look as harmless as possible. In her state, Sakura might want to fight against him if he looked competent enough, or worst, patronizing. She had pummeled Lee to the ground the last time he had tried to bring back 'his youthful flower' home safe. He had loved every second of it of course, the weirdo.

"Eeeeh," Sakura's blurred green eyes narrowed at him. "Sh'kam'ru!"

Close enough. Also, she was smiling at him. Shikamaru had a good feeling regarding his survival after all. "'Wat ya doin' 'ere?"

"Heard the commotion," he lied without a second thought. "Thought I should do my duty as a citizen of Konoha and come help."

"'kay," she wobbled uncertainly on her legs. "Truth now?"

The corners of his mouth tugged involuntary into a grin. Even with her brain soaked in alcohol, Sakura was still the Kunoichi. She could and would shove your bullshit up your very own arse. "Ino sent me. She's too busy torturing people for the Greater Good to come get you."

"Ino-pig," Sakura snorted as she finally reached him. "Always ruinin' my fun!"

"Right. So, you coming with me?" he ignored the liberal use of the word 'fun' and crossed his fingers behind his back.

For a second, Shikamaru actually thought she was going to smash his face into tiny pieces for daring to bother her. Instead she threw up next to his shoes, wich was a better outcome, but only marginally.

"Ugh," she wiped her mouth with her hand before staring at her own puke with professional consideration. "M so wasted, man."

All the fools who had yet to run away from the bar nodded along at this pearl of wisdom. The bartender gave Shikamaru another murderous glare that could be translated as, " _Get this shit away from my workplace, arsehole'_. Shikamaru replied with a 'working on it' shrug.

"Kay, let' go," Sakura decided. "Piggy-back ride? I promise I won' puke again."

Shikamaru fell on his knees with a resigned groan. Sakura climbed gingerly on his back. Her limbs arranged themselves around his skinny frame, her legs circling his hips, her arms around his neck and her head resting over his shoulder lazily. The things he had to do for his poorly adjusted camarads. Ino owned him big time for this.

"All set?" he felt confident enough to pat patronizingly the leg of the monster using his back as her napping place.

"Yup! Fo' the record, my aim sucks, but I can still crush your head!" the terrific medic cheerfully patted his head back.

Shikamaru made his way to the barely lightened streets as Sakura gave the fingers to the bartender. He was eighty percent sure she rose the wrong fingers. They won a few startled glances at the incongruous sight of Shikamaru carrying the prodigious medic nin piggy-back style, but as a whole the wildlife of two-in-the-morning-Konoha couldn't care less.

Sakura thankfully abstained from insulting anyone on the way, contenting herself with giving unlikely directions to the location of her flat and singing off-tune to herself a bawdy ballad about a Sand prostitute, a drunken dwarf and a three-legged dog. She stopped her song in the middle, distracted by the sight of Shikamaru's hair shaking in the wind.

"Well? Keep going," he called her out with false disapproval. "I want to know what happens to the dwarf in Rice Country."

Sakura snickered in his shoulder as she snuggled closer. A few strands of pink hair tingled over his skin. Underneath the stench of alcohol and puke, she smelt of antiseptic, jasmine and sadness. "You're a good person Shikamaru."

He snorted in derision. He really wasn't. Shikamaru, as Ino liked to complain, was just the  _worst_.

"You are too!" Sakura protested, oddly outraged on his behalf. "Like, you're carrying me home at. . . What time is it?"

"Two."

"Two! And we're not even that close!"

True. If Sakura was one of his 'precious people' as Naruto would say, tears in his eyes, they didn't knew each other that well. Both Ino and Naruto, and a heavy history in common tied them together irreversibly, in a way that Shikamaru would die for Sakura without a second of hesitation, but he wouldn't know what to give her for her birthday.

"Also, you're super nice to the idiot," Sakura kept going, unbothered by the lack of reply from his side of the conversation. "Helping him with the Hokage thing and all that."

Ah. But Shikamaru wasn't helping Naruto out of the goodness of his heart or to be a great friend. No, he was making himself indispensable to his future Hokage to satisfy his own pathetic needs to be in his presence. There was nothing  _nice_  about that.

"T's always Shikamaru this or Shika-kun when he tells me about his day..."

"Not Hinata-chan?" he interrupted her rant before he could stop himself. His heart tugged in pleasure because apparently Naruto was speaking of him often and wasn't that thrilling to hear.

"Uh-huh, that too," Sakura nodded sleepily. "He's so happy. Glowing. Like a pregnant woman. T's unbecoming. Hinata's great. You great too. I should marry you, or Hinata. But Naruto would pout. He totally would. Bet he'd be even more insufferable than Ino-pig..."

Her rambling died over his shoulder, while Shikamaru's tired brain tried to process this unexpected amount of information. "Why were you drinking Sakura?"

He thought she might not answer. He knew she wasn't asleep yet with the way she tensed against his back. "'cause men sucks," she finally replied. "Not you. Or Naruto."

"Sasuke sucks," he added for her.

"Sasuke sucks the worst," Sakura snorted, her voice shaking at the edge between anger and sorrow. "He asked me out today ya know. But not in a 'I'm sorry I treat you like shit, can you forgive me so we run together in the sunset?' kind of way. More like 'Hn. Gotta remake my clan. I've picked a restaurant'."

Uchiha Sasuke, the great romantic. What a surprise. "You punched him in the face?" Shikamaru asked hopefully.

"Ah! Should have! Such an arsehole," she giggled helplessly. "Told him I'd think abou' it. You should have seen his  _face_. Like he couldn't believe I wasn't falling at his feet o' something."

"You should definitely punch him in the face next time."

"...Ino and you are more alike than I thought."

"You take that back," Shikamaru scowled without conviction.

When they reached her flat, she slid off his back flawlessly and spent less than one minute looking for her keys. A record compared to Drunken Ino.

"Thanks Shikamaru," Sakura smiled earnestly. "You really  _are_ a good person."

"Yeah, yeah, whatever," he slouched on her door. "Sleep on your side. And drink water."

"Not my first rodeo, mother!"

.

.

When Shikamaru walked back into the Hokage Tower, half an hour late, his shirt inside out and his mind blurry with the lack of caffeine, Naruto was already there, in the room those deemed as 'Hokage's assistants' had to share. His personal nuisance had helped himself over Shikamaru's desk, chatting up his colleague Mori Reiko, a desk chuunin who didn't seem to know wether to swoon or to call for reinforcement.

"I hope you're here to hand over that report of Sand-Rain relation politics like I asked you to do a week ago," Shikamaru gathered his best scowl to counter Naruto's inevitable beam. "Morning Reiko-san. The idiot wasn't bothering you?"

His shy-spoken colleague babbled a hello and a rebuttal. He smiled back at her. Reiko had a true genius regarding politics and foreign affairs, unfortunately her social skills didn't quite follow.

"Hey, watch out who you call an..Err..." Naruto surprisingly stumbled upon the end of his own sentence.

Shikamaru blinked curiously. The Eyes had gotten all wide and shocked. Sage, was Naruto  _blushing_? "What."

"Your...Your hair!" Naruto pointed out Shikamaru's face like it had personally offended him. Rude. "Are you seeing this too?" he added for Reiko's benefit, who shruggled helplessly.

"What of it?" he automatically touched his hair. It didn't smelt or anything, so he failed to see what the big deal was, especially for Naruto-Orange-Jumpsuit-Uzumaki.

"It's  _down_ ," his friend whispered dramatically, almost reverently.

Okay, right. Naruto was having a freak out because  _Shikamaru forgot to tie up his hair._  He wasn't so sure about his choice of Hokage anymore. If such a small detail threw Naruto off the rail, he was never going to win any negotiations.

"And?" Shikamaru rose an eyebrow sarcastically. "Did you thought my hair stayed upright all the time?"

"Hey! Ten years of friendship and I've never seen it outside of your clan's weird spiky thing..."

"It's a ponytail Naruto-sama," Reiko added earnestly.

"Weird spiky  _ponytail_ , so I'm entitled to my surprise!" Naruto finished his rant with a wide gesture of the hands encompassing Shikamaru's entire body.

Sage, what a weirdo. "Sure, whatever," he rolled his eyes. "So, that report?"

"Who cares about some stuffy report?" Naruto crossed his arms defiantly while Reiko snickered confusedly behind her hands. "This. Needs. Fixing!"

"I care. If you don't do it,  _I_  have to. And it's just hair, get over it. I don't have anything to tie it up with anyway."

Reiko silently handed over to Naruto-this-is-unacceptable-young-lady-Uzumaki the rubber band she kept around her wrist. Betrayed by one of his own, once again. Shikamaru gave her a stink glare for enabling the idiot's foolishness. How was he going to learn now?

"Lady," Naruto positively sparkled. "You are a Goddess among men. Truly. Now you  _sit_."

After so many years of exposure to Ino's bossiness, Shikamaru had long mastered the art of passive-aggression, and he made a point to annoy Naruto as much as possible when the latter forced him into his own chair. No one could drag their feet like a born Nara.

"You're weird," he dryly informed his future Hokage. "So weird. The weirdest. You out-weird Sai, which I didn't think was possible."

"Impossible is my credo, ya know," Naruto proclaimed proudly as he poked around Shikamaru's scalp, clearly unsure of the protocol to follow. Hopeless, utterly hopeless. "Errr..."

"Just give it to me," Shikamaru sighed, holding out his hand expectantly. "I'll do it, since there is no hope to be found for you."

"No, I do it! I can! I'm going to be Hokage, ya know, I can do a stupid ponytail with your stupid hair! Just watch me!"

Shikamaru held back a snarl as the blond gathered all the strands forcefully, his tongue held out in concentration. It wasn't cute, not cute at all, he firmly told himself.

"There!" Naruto pointed out his work to Reiko, who was holding back her hilarity so hard he actually feared for her health. "Best hairdresser or what?"

Bravely keeping his smirk at bay, Shikamaru tentatively shook his head and touched his hair. This had to be the sloppiest ponytail in history of all sloppy ponytails. His five years old cousin would do a better work. He said: "Amazing. I'm never taking it off."

Naruto positively glowed at the praise. He would have to let Naruto torture his hair into submission every day now, he just knew it. And he couldn't even be upset about it, because it would keep Naruto happy  _and_ get him to touch Shikamaru on a regular basis.

Reiko stared at the two of them, back and forth. Her mouth went all 'ooooh' in realisation. Great, someone else who knew about Shikamaru's inconvenient crush over his friend, future boss and incidentally taken man.

"Great job," he gave Naruto's shoulder a pat. "Now, that report?"

Naruto's groan made all the struggles worth it.

.

.

He couldn't tell at what moment Naruto stopped being this funny but annoying friend. He only noticed that the distant friendship had shifted into something scarier when he founded himself drowning in it. All the  _feeling_. He so wished he could just compact the fluttering butterflies under his eyelids and the hunger resting in his belly and gave them to Choji to eat.

Before Shikamaru knew it, the curious glances had turned into fond looks and famished stares. The rare times he got to a glimpse of the cheerful tornado, he just  _drank_  on the sunlight like a starving man.

Another Hyuuga Hinata, pining from afar, earnestly hunting for crumbs of sunlight. Craving and fearing Uzumaki Naruto's attention all at once. Except unlike Hinata, Shikamaru didn't have the decency to look  _pretty_ when stalking the object of his reluctant affections.

However, despite the depth of the disease, he had faith he would have gotten over it eventually. If Naruto hadn't been, you know,  _Naruto_.

Shikamaru blamed The Eyes. For everything.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you want to talk to me, or just hang out with cool people, the link of the Naruto discord sever I'm lurking in is the [Genjutsu Support Group](https://discord.gg/cEE8Rj8)


	2. How to Ruin Nara Shikamaru's life in one evening, a practical essay by Sabaku no Temari

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Temari is terrible person, Chouji a terrible friend and Kakashi a terrible Hokage.

When Sabaku no Temari walked into a bar, she freaking  _walked into a bar_. Every head turned her way as she pushed the doors open and marched in the Spider Lily conqueror-style, like some kind of living antithesis to Shikamaru's own wallflower attitude.

"Ugh," Temari took one look at Shikamaru and wrinkled her nose with distaste. "Fuck, but you  _stink_."

"What." Shikamaru knew she was just having him on. Typical Temari behavior. He couldn't help sniffing himself anyway. "No, I don't."

"Yeah, you  _do_ ," the Sand kunoichi climbed on the barstool next to his and gave him a theatrical look-over. "Lovesick pining and sexual frustration. It's terrible. I'm genuinely embarrassed for you, Leafie."

Shikamaru could have at least attempted to deny the obvious. He didn't bothered. His and Temari's was a strange relationship, not quite friendship but more than simple acquaintances. On the surface, the driven and powerful kunoichi and the lazy shinobi couldn't be more different people, yet they understood each other on a primal, instinctual level. They shared a similarly bitter, cynical, and vindictive core barely smothered under a skin of arrogance for her and indifference for him.

The packaging and the methods might be radically opposite but in the end they were both despicable assholes ready to do just about anything for their loved ones. Deep down, Temari was a vicious bitch and Shikamaru a merciless bastard.

They could respect that about each other, if anything.

"Is that so?" he grunted to his sake. "You can get the fuck out then."

"Aww Leafie, don't be like that!" she grinned with mocking compassion as she slipped a tanned arm over his shoulders. "C'mon, tell good ol' Temari all of your struggles."

"So you can make fun of me? I think not."

"I'm going to make fun of you anyway. Might as well get some advice for yourself out of it," the blonde shrugged before she snapped her fingers with the confidence of someone used to be obeyed on the spot. "Oi, bartender. Get me a glass of the strongest stuff you got here. And one of those puny cocktails you Leafies like for my buddy here. Yeah, the pink one with the little paper umbrella. This asshole is going to need it."

Shikamaru groaned at the counter and silently hoped for the ground to swallow him whole. He had spotted at least three fellow shinobi he knew snickering at his misfortune. Not to speak of Shiranui Genma, dying of laughter in the corner and already planning to convey the incident to all his pals. He wouldn't give it a day before Naruto had heard all the sordid details of his 'date' with the 'hot chick from Sand'.

"You're the worst person in the Elemental Nations," he told her smirking face very seriously. "I hate you."

"I'm the worst person in the  _world_ ," she agreed easily. "And you better love me if you know what's good for you."

"If I knew what's good for me, I wouldn't be here. And I wouldn't be  _stinking_."

"Yeah, good point. You're lucky I  _do_  like you. Sage knows why."

Shikamaru drank to this pearl of wisdom. Honestly, he wouldn't like himself either.

"But seriously though," Temari grabbed her own drink from a straight-faced bartender and shook her money to his face. "You need to do something about that. You remind of my brothers. My socially-challenged, emotionally crippled brothers. You don't want to look like them, do you?"

No. Absolutely not. Under no circumstances. But to be fair, according to his meager understanding of their characters, Kankuro seemed more likely to fall in love with his puppets than any actual human beings, and he sincerely doubted Gaara even knew what romantic feelings were.

"I can't picture your brothers pining away," Shikamaru said truthfully. "They don't seem like the type."

"Wow, you're not even denying it! The disease is more profound than I thought," Temari noted, authentically startled. "Yes, well, that's because you don't know them very well. I'll admit Kankuro is more the persistent stalkerish type, but  _Gaara_? Gaara can do pining like a pro. Frankly, you're an amateur compared to my brother. He could teach you plenty about staring longingly from afar and convincing yourself you're undeserving of your beloved one's attention."

Shikamaru blinked skeptically at this unexpected flow of intel on the Kazekage's emotional state. Gaara had done some impressive growing as a functional human being from a social point of view since he was twelve, true, but Shikamaru still wasn't convinced. Looked like a lot of progress at once for a guy who didn't knew what sex even  _was_  not two years ago. Besides, the only people the former Jinchuuriki had been known to pay attention to were his siblings and Narut...

Oh.

Oh hell  _no_.

"Hold that train of thought right there Nara," Temari rolled her eyes, unimpressed by Shikamaru's sudden expression of panic. "Not someone from your village, you can stop freaking out. Jeez, you guys are not the center of the world, you  _do_  realize that?"

Shikamaru grunted in acknowledgement without replying, relieved beyond words. Hinata was one thing, but the motherfucking Kazekage was quite another. In the list of people he had no wish to compete against for Naruto's affection, Gaara definitely made it to the very top.

"So, now that we've established I'm an expert of sentimental woes.."

"Meh _._ "

"Let me share some friendly advice. . ."

"Please don't."

"Out of the goodness of my heart. . ."

"You have one of those?"

"Since you're obviously in dire need of godly help," she nudged his leg with the heel of her sandal. The very pointy heel of her goddamn shoe, naturally. "Here it comes."

"Fucking. Get.  _Laid_."

Shikamaru patiently waited for the joke. Then bursted out laughing at the utter gravity in her teal green eyes when it didn't come. "That's it?  _That's_  your advice? Fuck it out of my system? I mean, you call your brothers emotionally stunted, but you can hold your ground too. . . Ow! Stop hitting me you crazy woman!"

How come all women around Shikamaru always ended up resorting to violence against his person? He should spend more time with Hinata after all, at least she never tried to bash his skull with her fist in public.

"You're such an asshole," Temari scowled as she swallowed her drink in one go. "Don't know why I hang out with you on purpose. . ."

"Yeah, yeah fine, I'm the worst," Shikamaru warily eyed his shoulder injured in the line of duty. "But getting laid?  _Really_?"

"When was the last time you danced the horizontal tango? Got someone to polish your kunai? Spunk your junk in. . ."

"I get it, please do us a favor and shut up," he interrupted her gleeful ranting of disgusting metaphors. "Not that long ago, if you must know."

Six months wasn't long ago, right? Also, Shikamaru was the Hokage's assistant. He was  _busy_. Also, he didn't see how that would solve his problems. Sex and love were entirely different things, in his point of view.

"Yeah, right," Temari snorted skeptically. "Give me a number lover boy."

"No." No point trying to lie to her, she'd  _know_ , and she'd be insufferable about it. People were such a drag.

"Then it's been too long," she smirked at his close-off pout. "You're stuck in a circle of self-misery, and you ain't breaking out with that attitude, soldier."

"And I'm supposed to use what, the power of the dick?" he arched an eyebrow.

"Finally, he gets it! Although, nimble tongue and fingers are underrated assets, if you know what I mean," the sand kunoichi winked with a wicked grin dripping of innuendo. "You should put that smart mouth of yours to good use."

"Temari, that's a very detailed suggestion. Are you proposing yourself for the job or what?" Shikamaru leant his elbows on the counter, deeply aching for a smoke.

The thing was, Temari and him totally could have been something. Something other than the bickering sort of kinship they shared, he meant. There definitely had been a tension between them, an undeniable chemistry that still sparked when they saw each other like this. If not for his crush on Naruto, well. . .He wouldn't have said no to that.

"Ugh,  _hell no_. Do I look like a consolation prize to you?" Temari glared at him sideway. "I'm a fucking gift, Leafie."

"Amen to that," the corners of his mouth turned upwards without his consent. "I guess I'll have to stay stuck in the pining zone then. It's not like people are lining up for my favors, you know."

"Wonder why," Temari drawled out sarcastically. "Maybe it's because you're drinking girly cocktails in public. . ."

"Hey, you're the one who brought it!" Shikamaru pushed the glass he had been sipping at like it had burnt him.

"Or maybe it's because you're a lazy, cynical asshole. . ."

"Some people dig that," not the people he would wish to woo, unfortunately. But they had to exist, hypothetically, or the Nara would have died out long ago.

"Or because your hair sucks, honestly you need to do something about that..."

"You leave my hair out of this, Blondie." Not like she had room to talk, with her  _four_ ponytails. Also, Naruto liked his hair, so there.

"But it's probably because you obviously don't  _try,_ " Temari finished her non-exclusive list of 'Reasons Why Nara Shikamaru Is Perpetually Single' with a flourishing flick of the wrist encompassing his entire person.

"I do to try," Shikamaru outright lied. For the sake of Konoha, he'd never admit to Temari's face she was right about anything. She'd never came down of the smug cloud.

"No you  _don't_ ," Temari shook her head. "Okay, hear me out, it's not about the looks, 'cause your dad was hot as fuck, let me tell you, and you look exactly like him. Super weird by the way, do you guys duplicate ourselves through mitosis or what? Maybe that's why you have no sex life."

"I don't talk about  _your_  dead dad's sex appeal, so spare mine would you?"

Temari ignored his input on social property and managed to reached new lows the second after. "Also, your mom? Still rocking it. I'd do her, like, in her heartbeat."

"...I'm not hearing that. You're never going back to my house again. Ever."

"So really, it's the  _attitude_. You're acting like you're married already, Leafie. As if the rest of the world doesn't compute as a potential romantic interest," she concluded with self-satisfied smirk, delighted to have ruined Shikamaru's tunnel vision of his parents forever.

As much as he hated to admit it, she had a point. Shikamaru never had much of sex drive in the first place. The only people he'd actually been truly attracted to were Naruto and Temari herself. So what.

"You're wrong. Other people are just not interested in me that way."

"Pff. I call bullshit, and I'm going to prove it," she snorted scornfully before climbing on her stool,  _what the hell_. "Good people of Konoha, good evening! Who here, hypothetically, would fuck Nara Shikamaru if given the occasion? Raise your hand please! He's right here, if you need a visual to make an educated decision."

Shikamaru caught sight of at least two arms shot up, plus Shiranui who had managed two hands and a foot. He buried his head in his arms and wondered what deity he had offended in a past life to deserve such shitty friends. He hoped they might consider killing him instead.

"Not bad, but I think we can do better! Now, I know he doesn't look like much, but that's the future Hokage's advisor! Hero of Konoha and stuff. Great fucking material. Potentially."

Kill him. Kill him now. And pray his mother didn't let Temari make a eulogy at his funeral.

"I'd do you, crazy lady!" a foolish man laughingly called out.

"Of course you would, who wouldn't?" he didn't needed to open his eyes to know his tormentor was smirking victoriously. "C'mon guys, this isn't about me. That's a man who can bend shadows you know? Be adventurous, think of all the  _possibilities_. . ."

New round of unsure snickers in the room.

"That's all I think about, believe it!" He hoped Shiranui choked on his damn senbon. The guy acted as referee when Shikamaru was  _twelve_ , he didn't get to make sex jokes about him.

Temari truly was on roll right now. "Best friend of Uzumaki Naruto too!" An outstanding extrapolation of the truth if he ever heard one. Everyone and their mother knew the title of best friend belonged to Sasuke, as undeserving as he was, and probably always would. And if not, Sakura came a close second.

"Yeah, exactly," a female voice interjected with a telling hint of drunken slur. "I love the guy, but you can't deny he's possessive as fuck."

Despite all his common sense, Shikamaru perked up interestingly. He casted a sly glance to the woman who had spoken, and recognized one of the desk chuunin working at the mission distribution. Looked pretty drunk as well.

"Don't be silly, Sayaka," one of her drinking buddies laughed her off dismissively. "Naruto-sama is dating Hinata-hime."

"Sure, they're so cute," Sayaka cooed. "But he still doesn't like it when people talk about Nara-san. Seems risky to me. No offense Nara-san!"

That was a ridiculous assumption to make. Naruto wasn't possessive over  _him_.

"Oooh, reaaally?" Temari jumped from her stool like a predator would from their rock. "Do tell me more..."

Shikamaru grabbed her hand and dragged her out of the bar under the howling of the crowd. Normally she might have cut off his hand but right now, she was too busy laughing her ass of to bother.

Crazy, troublesome woman.

.

.

"So I'm thinking about taking a vacation. Indefinitely."

Chouji took a piece of the beef over the grill and hummed along non-committedly. So maybe he was smiling harder than usual, but he had yet to mock his best friend's misery or make a comment about his rumored harem of crazy sand kunoichi or non-existant sex life.

Chouji was such great guy, Shikamaru didn't understood why everybody couldn't be like him.

"I hear Kumo is nice this time of the year," the Akimichi offered for the sake of friendship.

"Lies and slander," Shikamaru retorted slyly. "Kumo is never nice, you just want to see that purple-haired chick again."

So maybe Shikamaru wasn't acting very smart by antagonizing the only person who had yet to either judge him for his wicked ways, laugh hysterically or propose 'crazy shadow sex' to him. Probably because Shikamaru wasn't a great guy like Chouji.

"What about Wave?" the redhead replied innocently. "You'd fit right in there. I think you have a lot in common."

Like an unhealthy obsession with one Uzumaki 'Great Bridge' Naruto. "Low blow, Akimichi. Low blow."

"I have no idea what you're talking about," Chouji couldn't contain his smile any longer. "Oh, look at that, it's Naruto! What a coincidence!"

"Don't you dare. . ."

"Hey Naruto!" his treacherous friend called out as he cheerfully threw the Nara to the wolves. Foxes. Whatever. "Over here!"

Shikamaru took back everything good he ever said about Chouji, the man was downright  _evil_. "Why are you doing this to me? I thought you were my friend..."

"I  _am_  your friend, that's why I'm helping you out when you're being stupid. A more common occurrence that people would think," he whispered back. "Oh, hey Naruto, how are you?"

Shikamaru briefly peeked a glance to the side. Naruto had reached their table, a sheepish hand slipped behind his head, looking as radiant as ever. His smile seemed strained somehow though. Shikamaru could tell the slight difference because he had spent a humiliating long time drooling over it.

"Sup guys?"

"Yo," Shikamaru told his napkin, ignoring Chouji's disappointed frown.

"Have a seat," the Akimichi smiled to their friend. "Have you eaten already?"

"Er, yeah, actually, coming back from Ichiraku," with Hinata, as Shikamaru recalled. He'd been the one to suggest it to Naruto, before the Temari Disaster. "So, err, how are you guys?"

"Oh we're doing just fine, right Shika?" Chouji chirped happily as he offered a slice of grilled pork to Naruto. "Shikamaru was actually talking about taking a vacation and. . ."

"WHAT?" Naruto was so shocked by the announcement he let the food drop on the table, to the Akimichi's everlasting disapproval. "NO WAY!"

Shikamaru blinked slowly, his mind twirling with questions. That was one hell of a strong reaction. "Naruto, calm.."

"You're going to Suna right? Right?" The Eyes came out tent times stronger, shining with the unshed tears of Emotion. "You  _CAN'T_!"

Shikamaru sent a silent cry of help to Chouji, who was entirely responsible for this nonsense and should answer of his actions. Chouji bit his lips to contain his hilarity and offered no help whatsoever.

"Suna is lame anyway! Lots of sand and no fun! Sand is terrible, ya know, goes everywhere and give you rashes. Sun all the time isn't nearly as cool as it seems. Also, Gaara doesn't need an advisor, he's already got plenty, but  _I_  do!"

Okay, Shikamaru wasn't going to lie, that was nice and all to feel the love, but this conversation had gotten way too much out of control. "Oi Naru. . ."

"She's not treating you right, ya know!" the blond kept ranting, The Eyes alight with the Flames of Justice. "She's just not! I know she's Gaara's big sister and her giant fans are like, super cool and I said you two should date a while ago, but I was wrong! You deserve better than being used a sex slave Shika!"

That would be the moment Chouji lost it and lunged to the side, sick with laugher. Naruto didn't even noticed the tragical loss of one half of his audience. " _Naruto_. . ."

"I mean, I bet you're awesome at all that sex stuff but you're worth so much more than that!" Naruto leant forwards and earnestly grasped Shikamaru's hands between his own. "And she doesn't get that she doesn't deserve you! I'll go and tell her that, believe it! No one gets to treat  _my_  advisor like that!"

"NARUTO!" Shikamaru finally managed to stop the uncontrollable word vomit. He took a deep breath at his friend's upset tears. "What the hell man? No one is going to Suna and no one is being used as. . . As a. . . No one is being used! Who told you this crap?"

"Oh my god," Chouji hiccuped unhelpfully. "I'm  _dying_. . ." Good. He deserved the pain.

"Err, Genma?" Naruto blinked hesitantly, his sun-kissed skin bursting with red shades as he realized the extent of his public outburst. He had yet to release Shikamaru from his grip though.

Shiranui. Obviously. "What a drag. Naruto, you should know better than to listen to that nosy son of a bitch."

"Hey!"

"I'm not sleeping with Temari," Shikamaru ignored the admonition.

"Oh. . ."

"And I'm not going to Suna," he added pointedly.

"Oh. . ."

"So, you can let go now."

"Oh!"

Naruto harshly took his limbs back to himself as if Shikamaru had screamed he hated ramen to his face. "Err, I..I'msorrygoshit'soembarrassing!"

"Troublesome," he dragged his hands to his lap and into his pockets defensively, where they would be in danger of being caught by an over-eager orange storm. His mask of indifference struggled to keep up with all the recent events.

Facts, Shikamaru needed them. Naruto had been actually devastated at the idea Shikamaru might leave. Naruto hated the thought of Shikamaru and Temari in a relationship, admittedly an abusive one. Naruto had been more than eager to fight to keep Shikamaru by his side. All this put together released butterflies of excitement in his belly.  _Hold your horses_ , he told his heart fluttering with joy,  _Naruto would have done the same for all his friends, we're nothing special_.

"I think it's cute how you were ready to defend Shikamaru's honor, Naruto," Chouji perked up, still grinning like a loon. "Very 'knight and princess' fairy tale material!"

"I'm  _not_  a damsel in distress," Shikamaru growled, since clearly it needed to be said.

"Aaaah, that's not what I meant  _at all_!" Naruto screeched as he pushed his blushing face in his hands.

"What did you meant then?" Chuji asked, surprisingly gentle for someone who had been crying actual tears of laughter not one minute ago.

Shikamaru said nothing, staring intently at his Hokage-to-be attempting to put his thoughts together. "It's like. . . Shika is such a great guy, right?"

"Right," the Akimichi nodded with earnest agreement, as if Shikamaru himself wasn't part of the conversation or sitting  _right there_.

"So he should get to be with someone who sees how great he is, yeah? Someone who cherishes him and stuff.." And  _Sage_ , how Naruto could say such awkward things with a straight face, he had no clue.

"Definitely," Chouji glowed approvingly with brotherly pride. What was wrong with these people Shikamaru called his friends?

"Yeah, so I'm so sorry about all that. . ." The Eyes turned on their guilt-inducing power to the maximum. "Friends?"

As if Shikamaru had the mental strength to say no, anyway. "Yeah."

Chouji beamed, so freaking happy about their communication skills he handed over two chips to each of his socially-challenged friends. Shikamaru stoically accepted the reward for good behavior with a 'what can you do' wince and let Naruto's blinding smile wash over him.

Maybe Temari had a point after all. Shikamaru needed to get his groove back, asap.

.

.

By the time his mother,  _his mother_ , had decided upon the necessity to give her son a thorough lecture on 'sane, safe and consensual use of traditional jutsu', all the while grinning wisely like she knew perfectly well what she was talking about, Shikamaru had concluded he needed to get fuck out of here. Quickly.

"I need a mission away from Konoha. Far away. For a very long time."

". . .okay?"

"It's that or I'm exiling myself. I swear I will Iruka-sensei."

"I'll talk about it to Hokage-sama."

"Great. Also, if you could get Shiranui the most annoying mission you have on standby. . ."

"Don't push your luck, Shikamaru-kun."

.

.

So far Shikamaru had found two advantages to his poor choice for object of his affections. One, Naruto wouldn't use his feelings to manipulate or make fun of Shikamaru. The idea simply wouldn't come to his straightforward mind. Two, point one didn't matter because Naruto would never,  _ever_  figure it out on his own. Just look at the extremes Hinata had to go through to get the message across the knucklehead's thick skull. As long as no one clued Naruto in, Shikamaru considered himself relatively safe in that regard.

To be fair to Naruto, Shikamaru was a very good actor when it suited him. Only someone who knew him very well and saw him interact with the jinchuuriki had a chance to find out his secret. Like his mother, Chouji, Ino or Temari. And Reiko-san, but she had caught him in a moment of weakness, Naruto had been petting his hair, and Shikamaru was just a man okay.

Also, Hyuuga Hinata. Hyuuga Hinata  _terrified_  him. He knew without a doubt Naruto's girlfriend only needed one glance to dig out Shikamaru's dirtiest desires to the surface. The Hyuuga heiress was much more observant than people gave her credit for, and if anyone knew what a crush on Uzumaki Naruto looked like. . .

So really it wasn't surprising Shikamaru had made it his objective to avoid her at all cost. Ironic, considering how involved he was in her lovelife. He was quite proud of the fact that though he knew how her hair smelt like and what kind of tea she liked in the morning, Shikamaru hadn't seen a glimpse of Hinata in months. Not thanks to Naruto's efforts, who really wished all his precious persons would walk and giggle into the sunset together. He and his masochistic heart would sacrifice lot of things for his Hokage, but he had to draw the line somewhere.

Either the Hokage didn't know about the line or he didn't give a fuck, because getting a mission with Hyuuga was so not what Shikamaru had in mind when he had begged for a respite from Konoha's. . . Konoha-ness.

"Anooo..." Hinata tried, sneaking worried glances at a frozen Shikamaru standing next to her. "I don't want to inconvenience Shikamaru-san, he already has a lot of work. . . Shino-kun is free, I'm sure he won't mind coming with me. Or I could go on my own, I don't really need an escort. . ."

"Nonsense!" Hokage-sama smashed Shikamaru's chances of escape with a casual wave of the wrist. "Hyuuga-kun, although I have no doubts regarding your competences, you're representing Konoha itself. You simply cannot show up to the Capital by yourself." And then lower. "Also your father would kill me, so. . ."

Iruka-sensei cleared his throat and the Hokage circled back to the subject with a clap of his hands. "Anyway, Nara-kun has extensive knowledge of Fire Country politics. He's the perfect partner with this mission."

Dammit, Hatake had done his homework. Considering the diplomatic nature of Hinata's mission, Shikamaru in his capacity of Hokage's Assistant was indeed the best compromise. Reiko could have been a good pick herself, but she fared poorly in practicalities. Besides, Shikamaru scowled better. The soft-spoken princess and her glaring bodyguard would make a devastating combo at the Daimyo's Court, and Shikamaru couldn't find any reason to refuse aside from  _but I don't want to spend weeks faking cordiality with my rival in love,_ when he had been the one to ask for a mission outside the village in the first place.

In short, Shikamaru was trapped, and Hatake knew it. He glared helplessly at his plotting Hokage, who cheerfully eye-smiled back at him. What a slimy asshole.

"O-Oh, yes, I suppose. . ." Hinata smiled tentatively at her newly found partner. Did she have to be so  _nice_  too? "Well, if Shikamaru-san doesn't mind. . ."

"Oh, Shikamaru-kun doesn't  _mind_ , right? He's all yours, make good use of him Hyuuga-kun!" Hokage-sama giggled to himself, no doubt thinking of some of the perverted plots from Icha Icha. Iruka-sensei hit the back of his Hokage's head with his folder without taking a beat.

"What a drag," he sighed dramatically. "Just tell me when I gotta look threatening, Hinata-san."

Hinata smiled gently at him. Shikamaru smothered the spark of guilt perking up in his chest and prepared himself for at least two weeks of torture. Hyuuga Hinata, stuffy old men trying to fuck them up and politics. Everything Shikamaru wanted in his life.

.

.

Shikamaru never thought he'd miss the days his mother came to see him leave for missions at the gate. Amazingly, even she hadn't been  _that_  embarrassing. But that was Uzumaki Naruto for you, breaking all expectations since the dawn of time.

". . . Needs to be fed and watered at least twice a day," Naruto went on and on, holding his girlfriend's hands in his own as he trash-talked Shikamaru's ninja creds to the ground. "Oh, and don't forget to take him on a walk once in a while. He just doesn't move and stares at nothing forever if you don't push him around a bit!"

"Har har," he deadpanned. "You're hilarious Uzumaki. So are you going to let us leave one day or what?"

"Watch attentively Hinata-chan" Naruto grinned instead of backing off. "This is a prime example of Nara double speech. What Shikamaru really meant is 'Oh Naruto we haven't left yet but I already miss you'."

Oh Naruto, you haven't left and I already miss your obnoxious, oblivious arse. And I also want to punch you in face so hard you'll cross the time-space continuum, Sakura-style.

And there Shikamaru went again, not five minutes in Hinata's presence and already spilling all his fuzzy forbidden feelings all over the place. He sneaked a glance to the dark-haired woman, who gratified him with a small smile, instead of the  _as soon as we're out of here I'm going to Gentle Fist your treacherous ass you man stealer_  frown he had almost been fearing.

"Naruto-kun, I promise to take good care of Shikamaru-san if you promise to take care of yourself in return," she squeezed her boyfriend's hand as she tilted her head to the side.

"Of course Hinata-chan!" Naruto adoringly beamed back. "Everything you want!"

Jeez, someone kill him now. Cynical assholes like himself couldn't handle such high concentrations of fluff.

"So do you promise  _not_  to eat ramen every day and train yourself to death?" Hinata innocently blinked as she triggered the trap she had casually laid out.

Damn, but that woman was sneakier than anyone would give her credit for. Shikamaru had to restrain himself from smirking at the crestfallen expression on Naruto's face. Priceless, just priceless. If she had been one of his buddies, he would have offered a fist for her to bump.

"Hinaaaataaa-chaaan," the pain of his life whined at the unexpected treachery from his own significant other.

"A promise is a promise," Shikamaru nodded seriously. "You're not the kind of man who goes back on your word right,  _Naruto-kun_?"

Hinata giggled behind her fist as Naruto gave him the Stink Glare, all for show. Underneath the apparent anger the soft-hearted idiot was going all gooey because look at that, two of his precious people were getting along and ganging up against him. In his head they might as well come back with matching friendship bracelets.

"Fine," Naruto pouted. "You're both terrible people, go away. You deserve to spend decades with politicians."

"Ah my heart," Shikamaru deadpanned while Hinata pecked a kiss on her boyfriend's cheek. They both flushed as if they hadn't been dating for almost a year now. Disgusting.

Naruto cheerfully waved them goodbye as they both shunshin-ed away.

.

.

Shikamaru liked to believe he had done a lot of growing regarding his biased view on women since he was a twelve year old stupid brat. To be honest, his latent misogyny hadn't been gently grown out as much as beaten up by the common efforts of Ino, Temari and his mother. Still, he firmly believed he wasn't so much of a macho asshole anymore.

That being said, he had never met a woman who wouldn't mind  _not_  talking for an entire day. Even Temari, not the most loquacious lady out there, would indulge into snarky banter after a few hours of travelling in silence. Ino could hardly handle an hour without reminding Shikamaru of what a lazy git he was, and couldn't he go faster, for fuck's sake.

Hyuuga Hinata was made of another cloth algother. An ephemeral, solemn, graceful cloth who didn't seemed to mind hours of awkward silence. He had no idea how she could fit so well with Naruto, a chatterbox if there ever was.

By the time the sun had began its steady descent, Shikamaru was all but teething inside from unspoken words and anxious guilt.

"Hinata-san," he asked with carefully-crafted disregard, his voice rough from disuse. "Shall we stop for today?"

Her feet halted on the grass. She nodded gently in agreement. They swifty arranged a bivouac for the night with the efficient ease born out of years of practice. Hinata quietly offered him his ration as he sat down next her once the tent had been set. Not ramen, he noted thankfully.

"Do. . . Do you have questions regarding our mission, Shikamaru-san?" his team leader kept her eyes firmly set on her lap.

He took a thoughtful bite of his onigiri. His mission was quite simple: to protect Konoha's representative and assist her in the best of his capacities. Hers was to negotiate the most advantageous tariff rates with the notoriously ruthless Miyamoto Hideyoshi, Fire Country's financial minister. Out of the two of them, Shikamaru knew who had gotten the short stick.

If anything, he couldn't figure out why choose Hyuuga Hinata as envoy, who disliked conflict in all its forms. The Daimyo court might not be a open battlefield, but by no means should it be considered as a peaceful place. Nobles fought with words as their weapons as mercilessly as shinobi, and did not hesitate to use actual weapons as well.

Hyuuga Hinata was an unconventional choice. The Hyuuga Heiress and future First Lady however. . .that was another story.

"I'm good," he shrugged. "Something I should know?"

". . . Miyamoto-dono is a fierce opponent in negotiation, but he's also known for his fairness and honor."

A rare combination among high-ranked nobles. One that might actually play against their favor. Honorable men were hard to buy, in theory. "I see."

"He's a friend of my father," she added softly. His doubts regarding her appointment as a diplomat might be more apparent than he had hoped. "Also. . . I heard he held Asuma-sensei in great esteem."

Shikamaru froze at the mention of his dead teacher. Asuma-sensei hardly talked about his time at the Capital as a member of the Twelve Guardian Ninja, despite Ino's insistent probing. He had hardly spoke about  _anything_  regarding himself.

"Could be useful," Shikamaru avoided her compassionate glance. "You have a plan?"

"W-well," Hinata smiled wisely. "We  _did_  help save the world. I suppose we could use that to our advantage."

He chuckled at the unexpected touch of humor.

His lighter weighed heavily in his pocket.

.

.

The building Konoha had been granted for their Embassy in the Capital belonged to the outskirts of the Noble District, set between the palaces of the Fire Nation elite and the trader district. The unconventional outpost had been run for years by a former kunoichi of civilian ascendance who kept somewhat of a reputation back home. According to his mother, it had taken no less than the loss of her earing on the right, a left hand and her husband to force Mori Ririchiyo into retirement for active duty. Needless to say, the fifty year old ran the place with an iron fist, and every shinobi passing through ought to respect her authority.

Being more than used to the authority of harsh women, Shikamaru had no problem with that. Unfortunately it seemed from her barely contained expression of hostility, she did not like him on principle.

"Hinata-sama," Mori-san bowed in greeting to the heiress, ignoring Shikamaru algother. "It is a pleasure and a honor to meet you in person. I hope your travel went well."

From what Hinata had told him, the ambassador and her had exchanged letters for weeks, as she had asked for advice regarding her mission and the Fire Minister. Considering Mori's approval of the heiress, it clearly appeared to be wise move.

"It is I who is honored, Mori-dono," Hinata greeted her back, her back akin to a ruler. "Our travel went smoothly, thank you. May I introduce you my teammate, Nara Shikamaru?"

Mori nodded without conviction. "Welcome to my Embassy,  _Nara_ -san."

Ah. It was a Nara thing, then. Shikamaru could work with that. "Thank you, Mori-san. My mother sends her regards."

"...Yoshino, right?" Mori straightened with a considerative glance. "I haven't heard of her in years. How is she?"

"Ruthless as ever," Shikamaru faked a shudder at the mention of his notoriously firm parent.

He won a smile from his teammate and a smirk from his target. "Good ol' Yoshino," Mori shook her head with amusement before turning towards Hinata. "I have prepared a furisode for you, as we discussed."

"I am in your debt," she bowed once more as Mori waved a dismissal.

"Nonsense, that's what I'm here for. I'm sure your companion can occupy himself in the meantime. . ?"

"Any flat surface will do," he agreed, aching for a good rest, a far more appealing prospect than the hours of pampering Hinata had to look forward to.

"Typical Nara," Mori snorted as she whisked the brunette upstairs.

The Embassy was set into traditional style, which meant no couch to linger on. Luckily, Shikamaru didn't mind settling on the wooden floor with a pillow for his head, near a window. A cigarette found its way to his mouth and his lighter to his hand.

Thoughts of Asuma-sensei plagued the back of his mind, a familiar ballad if there ever was. Shikamaru was going live, if only for a little while, in the same place a teenager Asuma had exiled himself to. Something between excitement and dread tingled beneath his eyelids. He wished to know more about the teacher who had shaped his and his team mate's lives, to collect little memories to bring back to Mirai's eager eyes. He feared reopening barely healed wounds all the same.

Shikamaru fell asleep with the scent of smoke and rain burning at the edge of his memory, the glimpse of a familiar smile carved in his mind like dead flowers lovingly preserved between the pages of a well-used book. He woke up hours later to the soft noise of zori coming down the stairs.

As the childhood friend and teammate of one Yamanaka Ino, Shikamaru was no stranger to the female mysteries of changing appearances with a brushstroke and layers of clothes. He had seen countless time Ino shift into a childlike girl persona with a flower-shaped pin or into a femme fatale under the bright crimson of lipstick and smokey eyes.

He had not been prepared from Hinata's transformation either way. She had walked upstairs as Hinata, a young woman with self-esteem issues, hard-working kunoichi, devoted sister, adoring lover and shy friend, and came back as Hyuuga-sama.

Hyuuga-sama looked so distant from kind-hearted Hinata they might well be entirely different people. She had exchanged her jounin gear for an incredibly expensive white, sky blue and lavender furisode with birds fluttering along her throat and sleeves. Her midnight black hair was held up by the common efforts of a silk white ribbon and bird-shaped pins. Shikamaru wondered if Mori had thought of the symbolism of free birds for the Hyuuga Clan and chosen such a controversial pattern on purpose. Considering the ambassador's satisfied smirk as she followed her creation, she certainly had.

Hinata's expressive face had turned into a study in quiet assurance, circled with black khol around pearl-like eyes and crimson blood tainting her lips. Kunoichi battle paint, as Ino would say. All accessories, she used to lecture Shikamaru. What really mattered was the  _attitude_. And as the product of centuries of dignified noblesse, Hyuuga-sama certainly had plenty of attitude to spare.

He wondered how many weapons she had hidden inside that deceptively beautiful outfit of hers. Without counting her own body, the deadliest weapon she could use.

"Wow..." Shikamaru leant against the door frame, genuinely taken aback. "You look. . ." Beautiful. Terrifying. God-like. "Striking."

Hyuuga-sama tilted her head to the side, bestowing her unreadable mirror eyes towards Shikamaru. Her white hand graced his arm of a feather-like touch.

"Thank you," even her voice had morphed into the emotionless tone of Hyuugas. "Shall we?"

She drifted on the wooden door gliding towards the door without waiting for an answer, assuming he would follow along. And so he did, his hands tucked inside his pockets and his 'resting bitch face' well in place, as Ino would say.

". . . Yeah."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Mission Trope, via Trollkage-Ex-Machina.


	3. Fifty Shades of Hyuuga Hinata, or how Shikamaru got metaphorical whiplash

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hinata is a terribly competent human being, and Shikamaru is horrified to discover efficiency is such a huge turn-on. Also, Big Sister Tenten, Kiba, Akamaru, and a terrible lack of Naruto.

The wonderful adventures in Politics and Diplomacy of Hyuuga-sama and her sullen bodyguard started roughly like this:

"Oho, Hyuuga-san, isn't it?" the Daimyo wiggled in his sit with staged excitement. "What a pleasure, what a pleasure indeed!"

Hyuuga-sama fell on her knees with flawless ease, the silk layers of her furisode fluttering artistically along her water-like moves. At her back, Shikamaru scowled with poorly contained hostility, his eyes flickering quickly around the room. Some nobles flinched when they met his cold glare, and he held back a smirk. All for the show, naturally.

"The pleasure is all mine, Daimyo-sama," Hyuuga-sama's tone betrayed no emotion aside from respectful admiration. "Your Court is even more beautiful than stories convey."

Shikamaru was so glad he wasn't the one supposed to do the grovelling.

"Aha, very different from Konoha, isn't it?" the Daimyo flicked his fan, encompassing the marbres, golden adorned painting, expensive redwood, priceless jewels, all the elitism reeking from the throne room.

Obviously not. Konoha was all about practicality, not useless expenses. Even the richest of Clans, the Hyuuga or formerly the Uchiha, would never be so frivolous as to waste their resources on pretty baubles.

"Very much so," his team leader agreed easily as she sat straight on her heels. "I can think of no city that could compare to the Capital either. What a marvelous place. "

It really wasn't, but Shikamaru would admit biais on that account. Shikamaru enjoyed quiet, peaceful and safe places, like his Clan's Compound, the greenhouses behind the Yamanaka's flower shop, the verdant hills near the Hokage monument. Unfortunately, the Capital was the exact opposite of quiet, peaceful and safe. The city and its busy, tired inhabitants were bursting with reckless energy. Naruto would love it, the fierce agitation of thousands of people compacted together, the raw vitality of hope for a better life bleeding out through the busy streets.

Shikamaru was not Naruto though, and as a person, he found all this ruckus quite tedious to handle. In his quality of bodyguard however, 'tedious' quickly upgraded to 'terrible' or 'logistic nightmare'. So many potential dangers to watch for, he definitely didn't have enough eyes to look out for them.

Not that the palace was any better, to be honest.

"May I introduce my companion, Nara Shikamaru-san?" Hyuuga-sama added with a graceful gesture in his direction.

The Daimyo granted Shikamaru of an uninterested glance and equally worn greeting before turning back to the much more fascinating Hyuuga heiress. "You are welcome as well, Nara-san. After all, it wouldn't do for a pretty young lady like yourself to travel unattended, Hyuuga-hime!"

The highest offence to a kunoichi, drowned inside of condescending concern. Shikamaru wondered if the pointy barb to her skills had been made on purpose or if he truly believed Hinata to be one of those fragile Court dolls.

Her lips stretched smoothly into a humble smile. Her face had the unreadable stillness of a calm ocean before the storm. "As you say, Daimyo-sama."

On the other side of the room, the stern glaze of Miyamoto Hideyoshi burnt with wary curiosity.

.

.

First went the furisode, outside layers of blue and grey flickering away to leave only their inner white counterpart to cover her body. Next, the jewels on her wrists, on her neck, on her ears, glittery, expensive ornaments loaned by the Embassy. Hinata carefully put them back in their velvet coffin, out of respect for Mori-san but not actual consideration. Her hair was freed next from silver pins, ornamented comb and silk ribbons, ebony strands falling in cascade on her back.

Shikamaru felt like a perverted intruder, watching out of the corner of his eye the strangely intimate spectacle of Hyuuga-sama's walls crumbling from within, leaving an exhausted Hinata open and vulnerable by comparison.

"I should go," he mumbled as she reached out for her make-up supplies, a hint of warm red flourishing on his neck.

"Oh, err..." Hinata fluttered nervously, a striking contrast with her previous persona. "I...I would like to discuss what happened tonight, if you don't mind..?"

If Shikamaru had been speaking to Ino, he would have unashamedly whined at her for keeping him awake when they could debrief tomorrow. But then again, Ino wouldn't be shyly asking, she would  _order_.

"Yeah okay," he yawned and crumbled on her futon theatrically, refusing to think about what the picture might look like from an external point of view, her clad with thin inner robes washing away khol lines, him spread on her bed as a lazy suitor, waiting for the belle to be ready.

She giggled at his cat-like antics. Something like warm satisfaction shuddered in his belly. "They seemed a bit tense, don't you think?" she mused out loud softly.

Hinata's hand meticulously worked over the red on her lips, then on the kohl around her pearl-shaped eyes. Shikamaru couldn't avert his eyes from the final touch, the last remnant of Hyuuga-sama disappearing under the assault of cotton and cleanser as if she had never existed in the first place.

She truly  _was_ beautiful. Even more so with her insecurities and wounds exposed to the world. She was very much like Naruto in that regard, a myriad of heart-deep cuts, barely healed but mostly ignored for the sake of moving on from childhood hurts. Shikamaru wasn't like that. His bruises never quite stopped throbbing in his face, rotting his thoughts relentlessly, making him bitter and quietly furious. Unlike hers, his own wounds were nothing but ugly, festering patches of viciousness.

"...Shikamaru-san?"

"They're scared," he drawled without taking a bit, as if he had been considering his answer instead of creeping on his friend's significant other. "Shinobi have always been dangerous, but not on a 'destroying the entire world' scale."

"Ah," Hinata did not allowed herself a wince as she tugged on her rebellious locks. He wondered if Naruto messed with her hair the same way he amused himself ruining Shikamaru's ponytail on a regular basis. "I suppose it does make sense.  _Should_ we use that to our advantage?"

At the surprising display of cold efficiency, Shikamaru's thought process stumbled a bit upon itself. That was...not a very Uzumaki Friendship Is Magic Naruto remark to make. Shikamaru honestly hadn't expected it from her. Perhaps Hyuuga-sama hadn't disappeared as he had assumed, but merely retreated under the cover of the gentle Hinata.

But who was the mask then? Who was the real thing? Shikamaru wanted to know,  _badly._

"On a short term basis, playing on their wariness might be useful to complete our mission," Shikamaru admitted pensively. "But from a long term point of view..."

"Fear never solves anything," she finished his sentence with a small self-deprecating chuckle. "I..I was actually hoping you would say so."

...Hyuuga Hinata would know plenty about living under fear, wouldn't she?

That mission was turning out to be such a drag, Shikamaru couldn't wait to be done with it.

.  
.

"Ah Hyuuga-hime," Miyamoto Hideyoshi granted their entrance with sharp eyes and no smile. "I was expecting you."

Shikamaru eyed the minister warily. In frame, the man seemed closer to a monk than a noble, all thin limbs and bony shoulders wrapped inside expensive but sober dark robes. He was one of those burdened souls who looked ten years older than their actual age, deep lines on his severe face, streaks of premature white in his low ponytail, perpetually exhausted shadows under his unreadable eyes.

A much more dangerous man than your usual greedy noble.

Hyuuga-sama chuckled with what could easily be interpreted as flirtation. "I hope you are not finding me predictable, Miyamoto-dono?"

Her act won them a strain of the lips, the equivalent of a whole-hearted smile for the stern man. "Hardly. Have a seat. Please."

She sat gracefully over the pillow, her knees tucked under the table and her hands demurely resting on her lap. Today Hyuuga-sama wore shades of green, embodying her homeland with the dark color of shadowed trees and the softer shade of greengrass, golden leaves twirling around the lines of her outer kimono.

Shikamaru didn't move a muscle, standing vigilant behind his partner, not unlike a samurai in his posture. Nobles appreciated samurai more than shinobi. They liked the concept of blind loyalty and honor more than efficiency. He could understand the appeal.

"What can my humble self do for Konoha?" Miyamoto dryly opened the hostilities once tea had been poured and pleasantries said.

Hyuuga-sama smiled serenely.

.

.

Shikamaru's inner radar for potential embarrassment, developed after years of exposure to Ino's special brand of friendship and his mother's tough outlook on parenthood, went off like crazy when Hinata fidgeting her feet anxiously with redding cheeks.

"Ah, hum, Shikamaru-san," Hinata smiled sheepishly before pointing at her ridiculously complex obi. "I...err...I might need assistance for this one?"

Shikamaru did not freeze. He was an accomplished jonin, if not a particulary enthusiastic one, and jonin did not freeze even when their attractive female teammate asked for help to undress her. He would admit he did have a short, perfectly justified moment of internalized freak out. "Hm. Maybe Mori-san..."

"She's...she's sleeping, I don't want to bother her. . ." She amazingly reverted back to her old habit of pushing her fingers together when nervous, which wasn't cute  _at all_. "Ano...it's fine, I'll figure something out..."

Well, sometimes a guy gotta do what a guy gotta do. "Right, where do I start?"

"No no, it's fine, don't bother!"

"Just, let me..."

"I'll just sleep in the kimono, it's not an issue, Shikamaru-san..."

Like hell she would. "I don't think so. Turn around."

And she did. From the scrap of skin he could see at the crook of her neck, she was red with awkward embarrassment. A feeling Shikamaru could perfectly relate to. "Sorry, I didn't meant to order you around or something."

She giggled helplessly, the tension written in her stiff posture melting away with the shaking of her hilarity. "We. . . We're very childish for adults, aren't we?"

Adults, right? Only in the loosest sense of the word. What else did you call seventeen year olds who had fought in a war and carried the weight of their ghosts over their shoulders and hearts? "I guess. So, any advice on how to undo this mind-breaker?"

"Oh, start over here, I believe," Hinata guided his hand on the upper left corner of the golden knot.

Alright. Shikamaru had planned battles against zombies, extractions in enemy territory, and a two-year old's birthday party. In comparison, unravelling one obi was  _nothing_. "Fuck, fucking fucktard piece of fucking shit..."

Up front, Hinata was being entirely unhelpful, shaking hysterically and crying actual tears of laughter. Nerves wracking probably, because Shikamaru fumbling on her back certainly wasn't that funny. "Oh Sage, I'm sorry" she said without sounding sorry in the least as he cursed again in background. "Shikamaru-san, can you imagine Ino-san's  _face_  if she were here?"

Oh yes, he could imagine  _just fine_. He would never hear the end of it. And picture Temari's snickers as well, her 'maybe someone should spend more time striping the fairer sex, amiright?' incessant winking.

" _Hinata-san_ ," Shikamaru poked between her ribs pointedly. "If you have any respect for me as a teammate, you won't joke about this. And don't say her name, you're going to jinx us."

"Ah, you wound me," Hinata grinned so hard he barely recognized her, her lips stretched from ears to ears and oh, hello secret dimples. "I would  _never_ betray a comrade!"

"You. . .Wait, I think I got it," Shikamaru smirked victoriously as the obi opened under his numb fingers. "There we go, free at last."

Hinata chuckled delightfully when she removed the heavy outer robes. "Shikamaru-san, you are my hero."

"I believe at that point, you can drop the san, alright," he yawned behind his left hand, the right one still holding the golden stash.

"Oh," she blinked, before smiling shyly. "Likewise."

.

.

"Ah, Miyamoto-dono," Hyuuga-sama shook her head with mocked disappointment. "Is this really all you can offer for the people who have put their lives at stake to save our world from destruction?"

And lost it. The ghosts of Nara Shikaku and Hyuuga Neji hung heavily over their shoulders. Something nauseous found its way beneath Shikamaru's tongue.

"And I, as are everyone else, am grateful for your people's sacrifice, Hyuuga-hime," Miyamoto conceded, only to hit harder in the following second. "But we have not forgotten where the threat came from in the first place."

Good point, Uchiha Madara, Uchiha Obito and Yakushi Kabuto, the public faces of this disaster did wear the Konoha headband at some point.

Touché, arsehole. Touché.

Too bad the old man had not expected pretty Hinata to literally back-flip his argument against him.

"Indeed, the violence between our society could only led to the creation of monsters," Hyuuga-sama batted her lashes thoughtfully, as if she had genuinely misinterpreted what the Financial Minister meant. "Which is why attempts to work towards a more peaceful way of life should be encouraged. Don't you agree, Miyamoto-dono?"

The Minister gritted his teeth, and through his unforgiving glaze, Shikamaru red a glimpse of reluctant respect growing despite his will.

.

.

Shikamaru could hardly remember his reality without Hyuuga Hinata in it.

She had always been there, shifting unassumingly at the edge of his peripheral vision, a tragically poetic existence in shades of gentleness, shyness and hurts. He knew her flinches and winces, her self-conscious downward glances, her anxiously curved fingers, her stuttering soft voice the same way he knew Kiba's boisterous barks, Sasuke's sullen glares and Sakura's outbursts of rage. He had thought he had her figured out years ago, collected her every flaw and strength somewhere in his memory for possible later use, assumed he would be able to predict her behavior given he had enough data.

It was only now, while she offered him her hand to step out of the carriage as if  _he_  was the lady and her the bodyguard, her mouth twisted with the effort not to smile, that Shikamaru understood he knew nothing at all about the person Hinata actually was.

He took her outstretched hand with an grunt and lazily let himself be dragged on the floor, to his helper's discreet amusement.

Hinata was a real person, more than simply a sister, a cousin, a daughter, a friend, a soldier, an heir, a student or a lover, more than culmination of her wounds and blessings. An actual person that existed outside of Shikamaru's carefully ordered inner files, who liked rain but not storms, never ate pickles in her food, made the strangest noise when she sneezed and enjoyed teasing her teammates when they least expected it.

And Shikamaru had somehow managed to miss that simplistic fact.

"Shikamaru-kun?" Hinata asked questioningly when they haltered at the door of the Embassy. "Is something wrong?"

"Not really," he massaged his temples. "Hey, how do you feel about ramen? I've noticed a place two streets from here."

Hinata looked down at her golden embroidered kimono and priceless jewels, and Shikamaru took a second to imagine the incongruous sight of her in her current princess attire slurping ramen at a cheap stand.

She tilted her head to the side with a hint of humor at the corner of her mouth. "Nostalgic already?"

"Nevermind," he avoided her teasing smirk with a causal shruggle.

"No, no, let's go. Please lead the way, Shikamaru-kun," Hinata slipped her hand under the crook of his arm and tugged forward insistently.

There was one main advantage of walking with the heiress in full Hyuuga-sama regalia: the small folk parted around them with a wild margin as if Hinata was the Six-Paths Sage himself. With their path cleared for them, Shikamaru and his team leader reached the ramen stand in no time.

The chief gaped bemusingly the noble lady and her shinobi guard sitting at his counter, but wisely did no commented. "...What can I get you, dear customers?"

"I'll have the...Special Naruto Extra Ramen, if you please" Hinata chuckled at the menu.

"Just a Miso ramen for me."

One ramen bowl quickly turned into two, three, four,  _five_. Both the chief and Shikamaru exchanged a baffled look as empty bowls pilled up near the petite kunoichi, swallowing her food at the unhurried but frighteningly steady pace. If Naruto sprinted through his own meals, Hinata  _marathoned_ the ramen race like a true boss. He hoped no Akimichi ever witnessed her hidden abilities, or Naruto might have to fight their entire clan for the honor of winning the Hyuuga heiress's hand.

"It was delicious," Hinata chirped once she was done rampaging through the chief's endurance, to his visible relief.

"I have one question," Shikamaru solemnly said as he leant on the counter. " _Did_  you train in secret to impress Naruto with your ramen eating skills?"

She blushed. Not only her face, but her neck, hands and all the scraps of skin not wrapped in expensive silk. She eventually mumbled to her lap: "...At the time it seemed like a good idea..."

Shikamaru laughed, abruptly, unexpectedly, dazzled by his own outburst. He laughed like a bubble had burst open. He laughed like a firework exploding in the sky, like a pebble rippling inside still water. He laughed like a child who rediscovered a toy cast aside.

He laughed as if a door had opened, and he really liked what he saw on the other side, ghosts and wounds and odd quirks included.

" _Shikamaru-kun_ ," Hinata hissed, mortified.

He laughed even harder.

.

.

The intruder leapt through the window, dodging Shikamaru's kunai but failing to avoid his shadow.

"Holy shit," Tenten's eyes grew as round as little moons as she pulled on the jutsu tentatively, without success. "Your technique is weird as hell!"

He snuck a side glance to Hinata, who despite the commotion had yet to stop knitting the lime green jumper with a playful monkey pattern she had been working on, a gift for Mirai's birthday. Shikamaru released his fellow Konoha nin from the restrain with a groan.

"Oi, you could have told me," he told his captain reproachfully. Hinata had clearly saw her friend coming in, and Shikamaru might have been spared unnecessary efforts.

"Ah, sorry Shikamaru-kun," she shook her head regretfully. "But Tenten-nee-san is never going to learn to use the door if I enable her idiosyncrasies..."

Tenten barked a laugh as she stretched her limbs. Around her waist, he identified the sash of the Twelve Guardian Ninja. Now that he thought about it, he vaguely remembered Ino gossiping about the kunoichi of Team Gai leaving temporarily Konoha to serve the Daimyo, but had quickly forgotten about it.

Hinata smiled fondly to the older kunoichi, innerly pleased by the unplanned visit in that unassuming way of hers. The two seemed closer than Shikamaru would have thought, but perhaps it wasn't that much of a surprise. They did have a ghost in shared custody after all. That kind of bittersweet burden strengthened bonds between people like few things did.

"Aw, Hinata-chan," Tenten chimed in, oddly delighted at her friend's (and cousin by proxy?) deviousness. "Did you use the Sexy Shadow Man to teach me a lesson? You sly vixen!"

Oh great, even Tenten from her self-imposed exile on the other side of the country had heard about the Temari Disaster. Shikamaru might need to exile himself all the way to Snow Country to get a break after all. What a pain.

" _Sexy_?" Hinata repeated bemusedly before blushing deeply. "Oh, I don't meant Shikamaru-kun is not sexy, of course, just...oh dear..."

Shikamaru stoically endured his humiliation, looked up at the ceiling and imagined himself somewhere else,  _anywhere else_ , as Tenten howled with laughter.

"Oh boy Hinata, you haven't heard the story?"

No point in trying to keep the Incident hidden now, but it didn't meant Shikamaru had to be physically here for his own ritual lapidation. He had many flaws, and only had to ask Ino for the unending list of them, but stupid he was not, and non-stupid men knew when they needed to make a tactical retreat for the sake of their sanity.

"I'll leave you two to catch up. Tenten-san, a pleasure."  _Not_.

"Aw, don't take it like that," the pigtailed kunoichi winked as Shikamaru closed the door behind him.

Later, much later, as Shikamaru blew smoke at a sky painted in shades of yellow and pink, Tenten condescended to come skipping around his corner of gloom.

"Hey, you have one to spare for a fellow countryman?" she squinted at the cigarette hanging between his fingers.

Shikamaru opened his packet with a sigh. "Those will kill you," he mimicked his mother tonelessly.

"Dude, I wish," she snorted as she took the peace offering. "I won't tell if you don't, alright?"

He inclined the lighter her way, and she leant forwards. "Fine, I won't tell the Byakugan user upstairs."

"Your sense of abnegation is much appreciated," Tenten smiled wryly, her lips stretching oddly around the cigarette.

They both blew smoke at the same time, and Shikamaru tried not to be envious of her perfect circle climbing on the air. Show off.

Tenten looked quieter, sadder, without Hinata in close vicinity. The corner of her mouth dropped low, the lines under her eyes accentuated and her limbs seemed heavier. Sorrow suited her usually happy disposition poorly, and she wore the cloak of grief like she would a penitence. A similar way to Hinata, who walked around with a Hyuuga Neji-shaped tear in her inner pocket and covered herself with his memory on her skin as both a comfort blanket and a guilty burden

But ultimately different. Coping mechanisms were such strange things. Shikamaru would know.

"So, how's the mission going?" Tenten eventually broke the considerative silence between them.

"...Fine," he said, before admitting with mild reluctance. "Miyamoto is a tough nut to crack."

"Well, yeah," she chuckled. "He's famous for being intransigeant. "How's Hinata-chan doing then?"

"Good," Shikamaru answered truthfully.

Hinata was doing more than good, especially when taking into account less than stellar circumstances. Frankly, Shikamaru hadn't expected her to be so  _competent._  But once again, people never respected his expectations anymore, even more true concerning people in close proximity with one Uzumaki Naruto. At that point he wouldn't be surprised if the chaos factor his Hokage-to-be naturally produced infected his vicinity like some sort of anti-conformism virus.

Sage  _knew_  Sakura used to be relatively normal, and now look at her.

"Surprised you, eh?" Tenten winked knowingly. "She does that a lot."

Accurate enough. Shikamaru shrugged without replying, which was an answer by itself.

"Also, about Miyamoto...I may have some intel, but I'm not sure you're going to like it."

What could she mean by  _Shikamaru wouldn't like it_? Who gave a fuck whether he liked it or not, the mission was the mission.

"...you heard nothing from me, alright?" Tenten sighed in response to his unimpressed glare.

"Of course," Shikamaru rose an eyebrow. "Tell me."

She did. At the end of her debrief, Shikamaru found himself full of... _mixed opinions_.

.

.

Colorful paper lanterns casted an intimate glow inside the inner garden, painting soft shades of red, yellow and pink over the still water, over the freshly-cut grass, over the silken skin of the visitors filling the sits. In a world of luxurious plays of powers and golden lies, Hyuuga-sama fit perfectly among the crowd, a mask of deceptive beauty among others, limbs folded into a merciless seiza, a voice thriving in whispers and sweet promises and underneath, a core of pure steel.

The first notes escaped from the koto player's nimble fingers, sophisticated music filling the inner gardens with lightness. Somewhere within Hyuuga-sama, Hinata  _sparkled_ , a glimpse of delighted joy quickly smothered under the blankness of her outer shell. From a personal point of view, Shikamaru had close to no interest for the musical arts, but catching the small piece of her happiness briefly leaking through made his lips ache to grin for himself. For unknown reasons he had no wish to think about.

"Do you play yourself, Hyuuga-hime?" Miyamoto asked once the performance was over.

"I...do not, sadly," Hyuuga-sama confessed, a hint of genuine regret along the politeness.

"That's rather unfortunate," the older man said as he sipped at his sake cup. "Music is quite the necessary tool for a lady."

Shikamaru had to restrain his hands from gripping his shuriken and go straight for the kill. How dare this man, comfortable in his palace and his fortune, make Hinata self-conscious about her lack of skill in useless court tricks? As if she wasn't busy enough perfecting her fighting for the sake of her comrades, her clan, her family, her village, her own life.

Fucking misogynistic  _arsehole_.

Hinata flickered an appeasing glance to Shikamaru, who relaxed into his usual laid-back stance. She answered lightly: "You forget I am no lady, Miyamoto-dono."

"I suppose I did, my apologies" the minister put back his cup on the table. "You do look strikingly like your mother. I remember her being a remarkable koto player."

Because he was watching closely his captain, Shikamaru witnessed the exact moment her Hyuuga-sama shell shattered open and wounded, vulnerable Hinata bled through.  _Dammit_ , he cursed himself for his lack of oversight. They had expected Neji, Asuma or his father to be used against them, and prepared accordingly, but to think the devious politician would go for Hinata's long departed  _mother_. Shikamaru should have known, should have planned for every possibilities, should have prepared contingency plans to his contingency plans, that was what he was here  _for_.

"I...I remember as well," Hinata faltered, her slightly shaking hands retreated inside the layers of her kimono. "I was. . . Not aware you were familiar with my m-mother."

"Familiar might be an exaggeration of the truth," Miyamoto corrected pensively, falsely sympathetic. "However we did grow up in the same circles. Such a tragedy to lose a talented woman like Lady Hisana so young."

Same circles, he'd said. Implying Hinata's mother and Hiashi's wife had been born a noblewoman, and not a kunoichi as Shikamaru had assumed. Strange to have a non-ninja as a partner to the Clan Head, but not entirely surprising for a clan like the Hyuuga.

Still Hinata would not say anything. She met Shikamaru's insistent glare, and he recognized the blind panic of an agonizing animal. He took action accordingly. "Eeeh, Miyamoto-dono," he drawled as he leant forward, effectively cutting in between his boss and her target. "I was wondering if I could interest you in a game of go. . ."

Not his most subtle attempt at diversion, but he would have to make ends meet with what he had. Hinata needed time to get her composure back together, and that was something her teammate could give her.

"G..Go?" the minister spurted, genuinely taken aback by the rude forwardness from a person he had already processed as a silent servant. "I...don't believe it would be quite appropriate..."

"Sorry sorry," Shikamaru chuckled sheepishly as he struck the fatal blow. "I heard you used to play with Asuma-sensei, and I thought we could have one game, you know,  _in his memory_."

He watched with dark satisfaction Miyamoto's defense waver and shake at the mention of his long-dead friend, caught at his own game. Oho,  _burn_ , he thought, viciously. If you can't handle the fire, then get out of hell. Shikamaru felt a bit guilty to use the memory of his beloved teacher so crassly, but Asuma-sensei would have understood. Protecting his comrades should always prevail upon everything else.

"Asuma-sensei?  _Asuma-san_ was your teacher?" the minister repeated, flabbergasted, before rambling to himself. "I was not aware he had taken students. . .Well we did indeed used to play. . . A long time ago. . ."

"Oh yes," Shikamaru casually shrugged. "I was here when he died as well." His fault, his fault,  _his own goddamn fault_. "Mirai-chan would have been so happy to hear about her  _dad_ 's adventures in the Capital too. Nevermind then."

If Shikamaru had not been a shinobi trained to look for weakness since the day he was born, he would have missed the flinch. As it was, he could see the hurt on Miyamoto's face plain as day.

Hyuuga-sama, her shell of noblesse put back together, put a warm hand on his arm. "Nara-san" she tutted with false disapproval. "I don't believe  _now_  is the right time for improvised games... Miyamoto-dono seems very tired, we should let him get his rest."

"As you say, Hinata-sama," he drew back with an embarrassed grin. "I meant no offence."

The older man smiled wryly, unlikely to be fooled by Shikamaru's insincere display of guilt. "No need for apologies. I reckon we could have our game another day, Nara-san."

Shikamaru blinked, not expecting his ploy to give actual fruits. He guessed it couldn't hurt either way, and granted him a golden opportunity to learn about Asuma-sensei from a man who had clearly knew him  _very well_ , just as Tenten had implied.

"Also, Hyuuga-hime," Miyamoto added, strangely kind. "If you wish to know more about Lady Hisana's life here, at the Capitol, may I suggest you get in contact with Lady Kurosawa Hanako? They used to be very close friends, as I recall."

Hinata nodded once, before Shikamaru firmly whisked her away.

.  
She faltered with shame the second Shikamaru sat in the carriage. "Shikamaru-san...I can find no excuses for my unprofessional conduct..."

"Don't," he interrupted her self-recriminating diatribe. "You don't have to apologize. Shit happens."

"I messed up so badly with the mission objective you had to intervene. It's unacceptable from..."

" _Shit. Happens_." he repeated forcefully. "To the best of us included."

He remembered vividly his father giving him a similar lecture, as Shikamaru wallowed in misery and self-resentment, waiting in that hospital room to know if one of his comrades had died under his command for  _nothing_.

"That's what teammates are for."

.

.

It wouldn't be a mission with the Team Disaster Is Our Basis Seven's stamp of approval without at least one dramatic, unexpected and unnecessarily spectacular confrontation. On the eighth night, the scumbags in the Capital provided for an occasion to be A Hero, Uzumaki Naruto style.

"C'mon, ojo-chan," the bearded man leered at the obviously uncomfortable girl. "Just one drink, with me an' the pals."

"We're very friendly, yeah! Don't be like that!" his redhaired companion shamelessly invaded her breathing space as the third sidekick nodded eagerly on her right, effectively surrounding their target. "We'll even pay for your drink! That's a great offer, ya know."

Shikamaru sighed resignedly as he met Hinata's unimpressed glare.

"You mind?" she whispered, her eyes fixed on the dark alley where the three douchebags had surrounded the girl, amidst total indifference from bystanders.

It wouldn't change a thing if Shikamaru  _did_ mind. He was familiar enough with this particular brand of determination not to bother. Beside, he would die before he lifted a finger to enable those arseholes.

"Troublesome," he said sulkily as he put his hands in his pocket, his fingers curling around a senbon. "Mori-san is going to kill me if you ruin your kimono."

"I'll be careful," she beamed. "You're very kind, Shikamaru-kun."

Shikamaru rolled his eyes exasperatedly and followed his decided captain.

"Ano...pardon me for the interruption, gentlemen. I believe the lady said she wasn't interested..." Hyuuga-sama smiled demurely, polite as fuck.

"Da fuck?" Beard Dimwit spurted, his porcine eyes growing wide with disbelief. "Whatcha doing, bitch?"

He closed his eyes exhaustingly. No way this nonsense wouldn't end up in a fight then. What a pain. Hinata tutted disapprovingly as she shook her head. Her knuckles cracked ominously, and the three thugs watched the unlikely spectacle of a noblewoman lecturing them on manners and preparing herself for an impromptu street fight.

"Naruto has been a terrible influence on you," Shikamaru detachedly observed as she slipped her fan in his pocket for safe-keeping.

"Oh no, not Naruto-kun. If you must blame someone for my indecent behavior, blame Sakura-san."

". . .I'm not going to do that. I do want to live," he suppressed a shudder.

"Probably for the best," she agreed easily.

"OI, don't ignore us, you fucking cunt!" Redhead screeched as he took a step toward them, his knife shaking in his fist.

Hinata lunged forwards. Shikamaru hid a yawn behind his hand, leaning against the wall with casual boredom and he definitely did not drink in the sight of a smooth Hyuuga playing gracefully with her food.

So troublesome.

.  
.

Woven inside Miyamoto's game, among lines of attack and blocks of defense, Shikamaru could see Asuma-sensei's hand plain as day. Or, most likely considering the minister's superior skill at strategy compared to his former teacher, Asuma was the one who had built his style from Miyamoto.

His heartbeat picked up, both from grief and thrill. Miyamoto was good,  _very_  good. Not good enough to beat Shikamaru at his own game, but then again, few people were. He did manage to give the Nara a run for his money, a remarkable feat by itself.

"Ah. I lost." the minister blinked owlishly, baffled at his own defeat.

Shikamaru fell back on his heels and arranged his limbs into more casual cross legged position, his arms stretching behind him as he yawned loudly.

"You're acting like a cat again, Nara-san," Hyuuga-sama hid her smile behind her fan, her eyes twinkling with mirth.

"Sorry, sorry," he told her unapologetically, before turning to his thoughtful adversary, still observing the go board. "Do you wish to discuss the game, Miyamoto-sama?"

"Hm. I think we've bored Hyuuga-hime enough. Perhaps later," the minister tilted his head towards his honorable guest.

Hyuuga-sama addressed them with an empty smile without answering. Shikamaru wasn't fooled by her gullible act, he would bet she had followed perfectly well the battle of wits happening on the board.

"Hyuuga-hime," their host added with a sharp edge of amusement in his voice. "I heard the craziest rumors about you yesterday. All nonsense, I am sure"

Shikamaru bravely held back a snort. He would bet the poor man had heard some unbelievable shit lately. Hinata's stunt with the thugs had reached otherworldly proportion thanks to the Capital's extremely creative rumor mill.

"Oh?" Hyuuga-sama blinked innocently. "What kind of rumors? Was it the one with the drug cartel?"

Shikamaru would remember fondly until he died the horrified face and mortified noises she made when Mori had recounted to them the rumors she had gathered, including the one where Hinata had single handedly wiped out the Capital's underground mafia for fun and giggles.

"I bet it's the one about the one hundred prostitutes," Shikamaru nodded solemnly to himself, laughing innerly.

Considering Hyuuga-sama's murderous intent leaking through the politeness, he would probably pay for his brazen stunt later. It was totally worth it tough.

"One hundred and one, Nara-san, be precise," she chuckled with deceptive lightness, to Miyamoto's growing skepticism.

"I meant the one where Hyuuga-sama carved her footprint in a man's ribcage," the minister stated slowly. "And brought him and his...companions alive to the nearest police station."

"Oh, that one is actually pretty accurate," Hyuuga-sama beamed serenely, before whispering to Miyamoto. "The trick is in rotating your chakra in your feet."

Another abomination the world owed to Hinata and Sakura's friendship. A world Shikamaru wasn't so sure he wanted to live in anymore.

Except he  _did_.

.  
.

The bookshop smelled of new paper and recent wood, two perfumes Shikamaru himself was partial to. The bell chimed when he closed the door behind him, and searched for his wayward captain. Strangely, he found Hinata at the romance section, deeply absorbed in the book she was holding. Not exactly the kind of literature he would have pictured her reading, but why not.

Shikamaru bent his head to catch sight of the cover, picturing a muscular man with a blond maiden fawning over his him. Hum.

"Cheesy romance?" the corners of his mouth curved upwards.

Her eyes worked a miles fast, flickering at the speed of a train. She hummed distractedly. "I'm looking for a gift for Naruto-kun."

"Wait, really?" He honestly couldn't imagine the knucklehead buried in a book in his free time, even less so girly  _romance_? Though it did make sense when you considered who his teachers were. The point was, Shikamaru found himself with so much material for future teasing generously thrown into his lap for free, and he sincerely had no idea where to begin.

"Uh-huh. I think it reminds him of Jiraiya-sama. Also, he likes happy endings."

Hinata closed the book soundly, put it in one of the three piles in front of her and grabbed another. She cracked open her new interest directly at the ending, and the process started again. "...why are reading the end?"

"Oh, because Naruto-kun  _really_  likes happy endings."

A pause, the time for Shikamaru to accept this new reality where Naruto giggled and probably bawled his eyes out at cheesy romance Hinata had hand-picked and spoiled herself to make sure the endings fit her standards. "You  _foolproof_  Naruto's books?"

". . .yes? Is it weird?" Hinata eventually deigned to spare him a glance from her intense reading session.

The thing was, Shikamaru kind of really,  _really_  liked this new reality. "No. Nothing strange here. You need help?"

"No, thank you, I think I'm good."

The first of the two books Hinata had deemed worthy of being bestowed on precious Naruto-kun's eyes involved a princess and her bodyguard, because Naruto liked princesses. The second pictured two men in full samurai regalia brooding longingly at each other, because apparently Naruto wasn't picky. Shikamaru silently resigned himself not to sleep for three nights thanks to the image of the object of his affections reading yaoi carved in his thoughts.

"Are you planning to bring back something for Nara-san?" she asked to a slightly comatose Shikamaru as they left the bookshop.

He jerked himself back to reality at the mention of his draconian mother. "No?"

"You. . .probably should," she bit her bottom lip, searching for a tactful way to inform him that his progenitor was a terrifying goddess requiring frequent offerings to appease her wrath. At least, that was how Shikamaru saw it. "I've seen a street shop making very nice jewels out of.

.Oh!"

Her polite attempt to save Shikamaru from tragic and early death got interrupted by the eruption of a dog. A gigantic beast of a dog jogging through panicking crowds, undisturbed by the commotion he created on his way.

"Akamaru!" Hinata cheered as she patted the enormous white head. "What are you  _doing_  here, dear friend?"

Akamaru barked an incomprehensible answer and left a happy drool trail on her hand. Better her than him, Shikamaru had gotten enough liquids of disputable origin on his skin for a lifetime.

. . .It sounded weirder than he meant.

"Eh, if it's not Hinata!" the nin-dog's human partner finally appeared at the corner of the merchant street, his red-marked cheeks caving in into unbashful dimples. "Good job, Akamaru!"

"Kiba-kun!" Hinata waved back with unhinged joy. "Aren't you supposed to be in Grass?"

"Yep, we finished the mission earlier than expected, so I thought we could drop by the Capital on our way back home. See how you guys were handling yourself around old farts, amiright?"

Shikamaru snorted at the Inuzuka's characteristic frankness. No wonder  _he_  hadn't been chosen to escort his former teammate on her negotiation mission.

"Yo, Shikamaru," Kiba grinned easely in greeting. "I thought Shino was the one meant to go with you?"

He shruggled as Hinata offered an explanation more detailed than 'Hatake is a bully'. "Hokage-sama changed his mind and assigned Shikamaru-kun for this mission."

"Shikamaru- _kun_ , eh?" Kiba clapped the Nara's back soundly. "Making friends, right? I know  _someone_  who's going to be happy about this recent developpement."

" _Kiba-kun_ ," Hinata warned her embarrassing friend with the ominous voice of all female teammates everywhere.

To his defense, Kiba barely even gulped at her and barked amusingly. A braver man than Shikamaru then.

But not a wiser one, obviously.

"So, Hinata," the Inuzuka casually invaded her personal space by throwing his arm over her shoulders, Akamaru surrounding her on the left. "How is going with the stuffy arseholes from the palace uh? Give me some dirt! I'm living the rich lifestyle vicariously through you!"

"Kiba-kun, you know I can't tell you that," Hinata shook her head gently, so much softer in her rebuttal than Ino would be with Shikamaru.

Kiba laughed and laughed, the world trembled with his mirth and its axis reajusted itself to his presence. Some people were like that, their simple existence a vortex of sheer charisma attracting whoever happened to be in the vicinity to their orbit. Kiba had been born with a social star for a smile, bright and unforgettable, and so had Naruto.

Shikamaru definitely wasn't. Shikamaru was born for anonymous shadows, for nameless darkness, and it was just as well because he felt uncomfortable as hell in the spotlight.

(Sometimes he wished still. . .nevermind.)

And Hinata? Shikamaru had no fucking clue where Hyuuga Hinata fit for the life of him.

"Say, say, Hinata," Kiba tutted appreciatively. "What was that I heard about you defeating an army on your own and gaining a harem of exotic beauties, huh? How dare you have all the fun without sharing with your buddies?

Hinata took a deep breathe, and since he knew where to look at, Shikamaru felt her chakra gather threateningly to her feet.

He smirked behind his collar.

.

"I've got something we haven't tried yet," Hinata mused out.

Shikamaru hoped it wasn't poison. "Like what?"

"Honesty."

A pause. "...there's still poison?"

She gave him A Look.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I tried to write crack, I really did, but my Hinata/Shika feels wouldn't let me.


	4. And the Award for Best Sadist In Shikamaru's Life goes to..

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kurenai or Ino. His mom and Temari are quite terrible too, but they don't appear in this chapter, thank god for small mercies. And then there is the Trollkage, who deserves an award of his own.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also, basically this chapter is half the promised fluffy crack, half hurt/comfort. As a continuation of the themes adressed on chapter 3, it's pretty heavely centred around grief and mourning for some parts. In case that makes you uncomfortable.

By now, Shikamaru really,  _really_  wanted to head straight back to Konoha, bury himself in bed, not get out for at least a week, and forget all about Hyuuga Hinata's unintentional attractiveness. He absolutely  _didn't_  want to do to stop three hours before their arrival to some country town for a quick lunch with aforementioned Hyuuga.

Guess what Shikamaru got? That's right.

"Oi, Hinata," he frowned at her hand holding his as she dragged him through the crowd of locals. "Let's go, we can eat in Konoha instead. My treat."

Shikamaru was counting on Naruto's godlike powers of distraction to escape his promise, considering he had no doubt the blond would be at the gate waiting for his girlfriend's return. At least he hoped the knucklehead would be, otherwise their lessons on romance truly would have been for nothing.

"No!" Hinata chirped as she stifled a giggle behind her free hand. "We definitely need to eat  _here_."

If it weren't for the devastating cuteness of the crowfeet of mirth blossoming at the corner of her eyes, Shikamaru would've put up more of a fight. As it is, with his state of dazedness, he must resign himself to follow dumbly his glowing team leader to her impromptu excursion.

By the time they reached the centre of town, Hinata was practically running, her Nara-sized hindrance barely slowing down in her quest. It didn't take him long to figure out the reason behind her manic glee, once the dango stand was in sight.

"HINATA-CHAAAN!" A beaming orange storm fell over them and all Shikamaru could think about was 'of fucking course'. "SHIKA!"

Naruto's arms surrounded them, and they were engulfed in his warm embrace as he grinned so hard Shikamaru vaguely feared for the safety of his cheeks. That idiot Naruto, he was supposed to greet his girlfriend first, not give the same treatment to his friend. Somewhere near Shikamaru's chin, Hinata let out a bell-like laugh of delight.

"Naruto," Shikamaru forced himself to detangle from this congregation of Konohaness. "What are you doing here?"

"Waiting for you guys, duh," Naruto squeezed his shoulder with barely restrained excitement. "It's been foreveeeer since we last saw each other!"

Shikamaru felt the centre of his world shift back into his sun's orbit. It should scare him how fast Naruto can get him trapped with a friendly nudge and brilliant heliocentric smile as if he had never left in the first place, but it didn't. What a scary thought, considering this sort of commitment usually tended to freak the shit out of him.

He needed distance, but Naruto wouldn't let him. According to the lopsided smile Hinata sent his way, she wasn't planning to grant him breathing room either. Traitor.

"Barely two weeks," he had mumbled in Naruto's ear direction. As far as body part went, ears were relatively safe from Shikamaru's raging hormones.

"Uh-hu," the blond nodded as he slipped an arm around his girlfriend's shoulders. "Sure felt like forever."

The moment Naruto threw his available arm around Shikamaru's neck; his brain kind of went through a minor shutdown. Naruto babbled something about Kakashi-sensei sending him to meet them ahead, which made no sense whatsoever; they were three hours from Konoha and in no apparent danger, why would the Hokage commission his strongest asset for an unnecessary errand?

He sincerely had no clue how that man's thought process worked, for the life of him.

Shikamaru only realized he had been man-handled to the ramen stand when he found himself staring at the counter. "Not ramen again," he sent a murderous glare to Hinata, who retaliated with a mischievous wink.

"You did not just say that," Naruto gasped, horrified. " _Straight to my face!_ "

"For fuck's sake," he rolled his eyes. "Aren't you supposed to stay faithful to Ichiraku or something?"

"Ichiraku is my one true love," the blond nodded with dead seriousness. "But what Ichiraku doesn't know can't hurt them."

Oh, that boy. Shikamaru had to physically restrain himself for bursting out loud laughing. The dumbass didn't even realize just how wrong that sounds on so many levels. Who else wouldn't mind professing their superior love for ramen  _and_ justification for cheating in front of their significant other? "You  _did not_  just say that to your girlfriend."

Hinata smiled serenely as she met her lover's sheepish grin. "Uuuuuh..."

"It's alright Naruto-kun," she ruffled his hair fondly. "I prefer ramen to you as well!"

"Meeeeaaaan..." Naruto whined as he directed The Eyes, Pleading Puppy Edition, towards the Hyuuga. "You don't really mean that right, Hinata-chan?"

Hinata faced the shattering power of The Eyes without flinching. She had a stronger heart than Shikamaru, he noticed with awe. Or perhaps she owed her resistance to extensive exposure? He needed more data to explain this mystery of life, and hopefully apply it to him.

"I am the Ramen Queen," she smiled beatifically to the slightly dazzled cook hovering anxiously behind his counter. "Teuchi-san said so."

Shikamaru almost choked on his saliva from disbelief, and then he remembered their last excursion to a ramen, and how the petite woman had single-handedly pushed the chief to his wits' end. "That is very true. Although quite disturbing."

"It's not disturbing!" Naruto turned up his nose haughtily. The expression was so utterly bizarre on his face. "It's pretty cool!"

"Yeah, yeah," Shikamaru chuckled to himself. "If it's so cool, you'll pay her bills yourself, alright?"

"And what is that supposed to mean?!"

"Ahem," the chief eventually found the courage to cut in their bickering. "Are you going to order or something?"

"Oh yes," Hinata's eyes twinkled happily at the prospect of food. "For starter, I'll have two fish ramen, if you please. Then three miso ramen..."

The chief's grew extensionally huge as she went down her list, and he sent a pleading look to the side to Shikamaru, who he had deemed for some reason the sanity representative of the group. Shikamaru's shoulders went 'meh' in response.

"And one Complete Formula Ramen. If you'd be so kind, sir." She wrapped up her order politely, casual as fuck.

"A miso for me," Shikamaru yawned as Naruto gasped at his alien girlfriend, overwhelmed with hero worship.

Ugh. Young love. Disgusting. That was what the purring feeling trashing in his belly was. Disgust. Yep. Totally.

Thankfully Naruto resumed his public and frankly embarrassing mooning pretty quickly, all things considered. "So? How did your mission go? Give me some juicy deets!"

Ah. Ah. Yeah, that.

.

.

" _Hyuuga-hime, I don't think you quite realize the extent of the damage our country has to deal with. It's only fair your village provide for generous discounts to the Daimyo taking into account..."_

" _I do, as a matter of fact, realize, Miyamoto-dono," Hinata cut in, her voice laced with pure steel. "since it's my village who was the most damaged. I do also realize in your eyes it's only fair since the problem came from our village in the first place, but that's not the truth."_

" _Is it not?" the minister drawled, sceptical._

" _No. The problem comes from a system based on hatred, and we're all responsible for that."_

" _A system you shinobi enable and thrive on."_

" _A system we all of us enable, Miyamato-dono," Hinata shook her head insistently. "But we want to change that. Under the lead of Uzumaki Naruto."_

 _Uzumaki Naruto. Two words working like magic, six syllables_ _to release a spell of hope and unbroken promises, an enchantment descending in encouragements and grins to open the road to the heart of the most cynical of men._

_Uzumaki Naruto, I'll protect you. Uzumaki Naruto, I'll never break a vow. Uzumaki Naruto, peace is possible. Uzumaki Naruto._

_And even Miyamoto Hideyoshi was not immune to the Uzumaki Naruto magic._

" _We want peace as well," Hinata dived in the breach she had created in her interlocutor's_   _composure._

" _Peace is not compatible with the shinobi system."_

" _Then we will change the system."_

_Miyamoto stared incredulously at her. "You are serious."_

" _Oh, I am. That's my ninja way."_

.

.

"It went alright I guess. Still don't know what we're going to do with Hinata's harem though..." Shikamaru mused out loud, valiantly repressing a smirk from cracking his thinking frown.

Hinata choked a bit on her noodles, gratifying him of a glare of pure betrayal for his trouble. "Shikamaru-kun..."

"I mean, there is the travel time to consider, and then lodging and the necessities...Supporting a hundred and one women is going to be a lot of work..."

"Shikamaru-kun!"

"Oh I see how it is," Naruto tried his best to maintain a hurt pout. As if they could see the corners of his mouth perking up. "You guys got your own inner jokes now...I've been replaced!"

Shikamaru was having way too much fun with this. He'd pay sooner or later for his stunt, but gods he couldn't stop himself had he wished to. "I'm afraid so Naruto. Even you can't compete with an entire harem, utterly devoted to their saviour and hero..."

Hinata stabbed his plexus with her chopstick. Rather sooner than later then.

Worth it.

.  
.

"Oh, Iruka-sensei, it's happening!" Hokage-sama gasped dramatically, putting a hand on his heart as Shikamaru, Naruto and Hinata entered his office. "The ship has sailed, I repeat,  _the ship has sailed!"_

Yeah, alright, no. He had no more emotional strength to spare for his boss' madness. He threw his report on the desk, grabbed his friend's arms and firmly walked out. He hoped Ino would agree to erase the memories of the unhinged giggling that they overheard before he slammed the door shut.

"Sometime, Kakashi-sensei scares me a bit," Naruto confessed.

"You and me both, Naruto. You and me both."

"Is Iruka-sensei going to be alright?" Hinata bit her bottom lip with sincere concern.

Well. Their former teacher, usually so reasonable, had lately grown to find the Hokage's antics  _endearing_. There simply was no coming back from that. "Sure."

"Is it an actual sure or an 'absolutely not' sure," she rose an eyebrow sceptically.

"The second one," Naruto nodded along. "Definitely."

Those two were starting to know him so well.

.  
.

"Oh Shikamaru-san," Reiko breathed deeply as soon as she heard Shikamaru's familiar yawn. "Thank the Sage you're _back_!"

Well, wasn't that a nice welcoming. "Missed me that much?" he smiles, amused.

Reiko and himself had a pretty efficient work relationship, but normally she could function just fine without his input, and vice versa. Therefore her enthusiasm seemed a bit over the top for their current level of acquaintance. Weird.

"Me? Oh not really... I mean yes of course," she blurted out in her usual social awkwardness. "But  _someone_ did miss you a lot..."

"Oh?" Shikamaru cocked an eyebrow questioningly as he noticed the stacks of paperwork patiently waiting for his return. At least he could always count on the life constant that was administration. "Like who?"

" _Naruto-sama,_ " Reiko groaned with the tone of those overexposed to the Uzumaki Jutsu of Instantaneous Friendship.

There wasn't single patch free with the mountains of paper covering his work place. He could barely remember what colour his desk was. It felt like no one could properly get anything going without his approval. Were they shinobi with extensive survival and adaptation training or what?

Distractedly, he replied without thinking: "You don't say."

" _Every day_ ," his log-suffering colleague whines as she put her head between her hands. "He came here  _every day_! I like Naruto-sama a lot, don't get me wrong, but I do have a job aside from listening to him pining!"

"...seriously?" Shikamaru blinked, somewhat taken aback by such a level of commitment to overshare his affection to his girlfriend to innocent bystanders. Naruto had never been shy about his feelings but that looked too much, even for him. "He must have missed Hinata a lot."

Reiko stopped ranting to stare at him incredulously, as if she couldn't believe how retarded he was. "...Hinata-hime. Right," she drawled sceptically.

Oh...She wasn't one of  _those_ , was she?

The thing was, Shikamaru was a shinobi. And a very competent one, to be truthful. It was his job to know things. Nothing happened in this Tower without him being either informed or finding out about it. Including, tragically, his boss' eccentric attempts to woo his assistant or Kiba's fuckbuddy frolics with the girl from Accounting, expect she wanted more and Kiba very much not because he thought with his dick and his dick had traveling ambitions...

Anyway. The point was, he definitely knew about that Konoha-wide ongoing tab about Naruto's love life he wasn't supposed to know about. The whole business had started a while ago, when the Naruto mania was still going frighteningly strong and he hadn't gotten together with Hinata yet. Because people had clearly nothing else to do, they had gotten into actual fights about with who their idol was going to end up. Mostly the horde had been divided into three clans, the Hinata Clan (her confession was so emotional okay! And she loved Naruto-sama  _first_ ), the Sakura Clan (Yeah but Naruto-sama loved  _Sakura-san_  first, so take that! They are teammates, they have a bond) and scariest of them all, the Sasuke Clan (C'mon guys...you call that intense emo staring 'I'll go to the end of the world to beat sense into you if I need to'  _rivalry_? That shit is gay as fuck and  _you know it_ ).

Those people truly were terrifying. Thank god they had established early a non-intervention policy. Naruto's fans were so persistent that when Team Hinata won the bet (Ah! Told you, losers!), the pool still wouldn't disappear. Some kept on hoping their favourite would eventually win the race, despite the fact the race was already over. Shikamaru thought it was just an excuse to justify their unhealthy projecting and frantic gossip but whatever.

Nonetheless, the 'Naruto's Love life Secret Tab' hadn't died as it should have and now counted a sparingly high number of participants. The original three clans still had the upper hand on the market, but new prospects had opened up as well.

Including himself. The so-called 'Team Shika' had strengthened along the years, not to the level of the big three, but nothing to spit at either. There was an entire group of grown up and certified murderers united under the banner of 'Naras always win at the end, bitches'. He had no idea Reiko was part of them. Maybe she was just deluded.

"I'll talk to him about it, don't worry," Shikamaru smiled vacantly as if he had completely missed the subtext.

Reiko groaned in exasperation before turning back to her desk, whining about the obliviousness of the male surface.

Crisis averted.

.  
.

On pleasant summer evenings like those, Shikamaru liked more than to sit on the engawa at the back of his house, the one with a direct view on the Clan forest. He would either endlessly watch pink tainted clouds drift away or play by himself. Trying not to think about his dad doing the same, and mostly failing. It hurt a bit, at the same spot he ached for Asuma-sensei, but it a good kind of hurt. Sort of. Not a crippling one at least.

Anyway, summer evenings at his house were meant for contemplation or quietness. Not exactly qualities Uzumaki Naruto was known for.

"Checkmate," Shikamaru put his pawn down, silently preparing himself for the oncoming tantrum.

He waited for the undeniable reality of the loss to sink in Naruto's thick skull. The blond gasped in disbelief. Leant forwards. Squinted at the board. Pointed at potential roads of escape. Progressively understood there were not, in fact, available roads of escape because Shikamaru was a thorough bastard like that. Completed the process of acceptation by what Shikamaru had named 'the dance of defeat'. Basically it involved Naruto climbing on his feet, pacing precisely four time around the board to vent out his frustration then sitting down again. Only then came the...

"Again," The Eyes ordered, shining with sheer determination.

Yes,  _that_  one. "It's late, Naruto," Shikamaru hardly had to force himself to produce a believable yawn. "We can play again another day."

"Another one. Please," Naruto straightened on his heels, staring directly at Shikamaru. "The last. I'm almost there."

He really wasn't. Surprisingly, the Uzumaki had managed incredibly fast progress since he had learnt how to play shogi, considering he had practically started from nothing. But he was still so far away from Shikamaru's level it was laughable.

"Naruto," Shikamaru said, almost gentle in his refusal. "You're not going to beat me in one evening. Or in one week. Or in one month."

Or  _ever_.

Naruto hid his flinch behind a daring grin full of bravado. "Ha! You of all people should know what happens when someone tells me I can't do anything."

And wasn't that the truth. Naruto had made of the impossible his personal brand. On that particular case however Shikamaru didn't have much doubts. His friend had reached a decent level to the game thanks to sheer stubbornness, but he simply didn't have the kind of ruthless and methodical mind characteristic of the greatest shogi players.

"I can do it!" Naruto insisted. " I'm not  _stupid_  ya know!"

Shikamaru blinked uncertainly. So  _that_  was what his current obsession was about. "Never said you were."

"I know what people think," he mumbled to his lap, torn apart between mortification and deviancy.

He stilled. "What people." Shikamaru needed  _names_.

"Just...people, ya know," Naruto avoided his bold staring.

Nevermind. Shikamaru could find out by himself. And if by some mysteries he couldn't, he had an entire army of vicious paperwork shinobi at his disposal, ready to burn houses and slash necks for their Naruto-sama. People always underestimated the paperwork shinobi, yet they were the ones you knew best how to ruin lives  _legally._

"Well those morons are completely wrong." Shikamaru scowled.

Still Naruto refused to look at him, keeping The Eyes firmly set on his fibbing fingers. Sweet Sage, was he reproducing Hinata's bad habits now? Of all the useful he could have gotten from his girlfriend instead... "It's just...I know I'm not very...smart. Not like you."

...Alright there. Shikamaru needed to make a clarification for his own thoughts. Sure, he called Naruto a knucklehead or a dumbass in and out the privacy of his mind all the time but it didn't meant he really considered his crush, friend and chosen leader as actually stupid. Because he wasn't. Shikamaru wouldn't have spared him a second glance if he was.

"Naruto. There is not such a thing  _as smart as me_. I'm not the top of a unique intelligence rating system. I'm smart, Sakura is smart,  _you_ 're smart, each of us on our own way."

Naruto could be pretty oblivious sometimes, and boy wasn't he, but he was also creative and surprisingly adaptable. One did not win the title of Number One Unpredictable Ninja for nothing. More than that, he was  _people smart_. He connected with friends and foes alike in a way Shikamaru could never achieve, had he even bothered.

"You don't have to lie to make me feel better, ya know," The Eyes narrowed suspiciously.

"Cause that's something  _I_ would do," he rolled his eyes with heartfelt derision. "No, I'm not. You're not stupid. End of story."

Naruto stared without blinking. Shikamaru stared back.

"Shikamaru," Naruto said, his unusually sombre expression set in shades of Serious Business. "I know I tend to be a bit impulsive and you're not always comfortable with the whole physical display of affection stuff, so I'm warning you. I'm going to hug the hell out of you."

Shikamaru's unfortunately hyperactive brain gave birth to three simultaneous thoughts, all frighteningly accurate on their own rights: "That's the cutest thing I have ever heard in my life", "I have no problem with physical display of affection. I just have a problem with  _your_ physical display of affection, because they give me boners" and the classic "crap I'm definitely going to get a boner. Do I have a friendship boner excuse on standby, just in case? With Naruto it might actually work."

His mouth translated all that mess into a laconic 'sure'. Naruto went for the hug. He didn't get a boner thanks to sheer inner panic keeping his hormones under leash.

Wow. Social life more or less preserved, saved from self-induced embarrassment. Good job, dick.

"I'm gonna beat your ass one day," Naruto grinned against his ear. "You just watch me."

Shikamaru pinched his arm in retaliation. "Keep dreaming Uzumaki."

.  
.

Ploc, went to sink. Fuck no, responded Shikamaru's brain.

Plumbing was so low on his list of competences it wasn't even worth mentioning. Definitely not the kind of task he wished to occupy his off day with. Not that he wished to do  _any task_  in the first place, but he could have dealt with, let's say, an 'out of salt' situation. Begging to the neighbours was typically the sort of domestic emergencies he felt comfortable stepping into, especially when his neighbours happened to be his relatives.

On day like these, he could have used his best friend at his side. With a skewer in his hand, nothing house-based could resist the Chouji's power of attraction. Added to that godly cooking skills and the Akimichi might as well be declared Best Husband Material of Konoha. Shikamaru on the other hand... wouldn't be considered husband material at all, at least according to the females in his life. They probably had a point. Even Shikamaru wouldn't marry himself.

Why did Chouji have to be away on a mission just the day he needed him? The cursed Land of Snow wouldn't know how to appreciate his best friend to his full merits anyway, while Shikamaru required the assistance of his House Whisperer this instant.

Ploc, ploc, insisted the sink. Plllloc.

...Dammit. Shikamaru had to do something. He had to. What kind of student would he be if he couldn't fix the sink of the dead teacher's widow? Asuma would be disappointed in him. Chouji would be disappointed in him. Ino wouldn't be disappointed in him as she had no faith in him in the first place, but who cared what she thought.

Also, the repetitive sound was kind of driving him mad so.

Ploc, mocked the sink. Ploc?

"Shikamaru-kun," Kurenai-sensei sighed exasperatedly. "Can you please stop glaring at my kitchen? It has nothing to you to deserve such a treatment."

Nothing?  _Nothing_? "The sink's leaking," Shikamaru said between gritted teeth.

"Is it?" his host sipped at her tea, unconcerned by the background noise of potential future water devastation. "Leave it then."

Alright. The lady had spoken. Shikamaru could move on from the incredibly annoying sound, no problem. He was a genius, he had lead entire armies, he would not be defeated by some deficient kitchen equipment.

Ploc, ploc, ploooooc, taunted the sink.

"I can..."

"Shikamaru-kun. I'm not some invalid grand-aunt you have to provide for. If I want my sink fixed, I'll do it myself," her red eyes drilled into his knowingly.

"Kurenai-sensei..." he tried, before stopping abruptly. She had a point. The sink had already been leaking when Shikamaru came in. Kurenai was a resourceful woman; she would have solved the issue long ago, if only by putting something down the sink to soften the sound of that insufferable drop crashing down sporadically.

Ploc, ploc? The sink paused, before starting again. The pattern was irregular, hence the decupled power of irritability. What kind of sink would leak  _irregularly?_ Aside from one built in Hell.

Oh. That woman was  _evil_.

"Kai."

The dreadful sound finally disappeared. Shikamaru groaned in relief as Kurenai smiled wickedly behind her cup. "Finally. I thought you'd never get it."

A genjutsu? Of a leaking sink? Really, Kurenai?  _Really?_

"What was that for?" he slumped against the table pettily. "Do you trick all your guests or am I just that special?"

"Oh, no, you're not that special," the former jonin-sensei blinked innocently. "If it makes you feel better, it took twenty minutes for Kiba to realize my house didn't really have sewer backflow."

Oh, great. He wasn't as slow as the second knucklehead of Konoha to notice he was being trolled. What a relief. " _Why_."

Kurenai casually poured another serving of tea to herself. "Well, I needed to test my new genjutsus. And obviously you can use the training."

" _Why."_

"What kind of teacher would I be if I..."

"I meant, why you need to test your new genjutsus?" he glared above crossed arms.

Shikamaru didn't ask why she had created new genjutsu in the first place. Kurenai had dedicated the major part of her life perfectioning her craft, she wasn't going to stop at once because of a minor detail like official retirement.

A pause. "I'm going back to duty," Kurenai admitted hesitantly, yet with conviction.

...He'd thought so. The flyers about babysitting and her burgeoning muscles had tipped off that Something Had Changed. This was Bad. The kind of situation that required the combined force of both Team Ten and Team Eight to deal with. "Sensei..."

"Don't," the older woman's eyes flashed. "I know what you're going to say. Mirai is still so young. She needs me. What kind of mother abandons her child for her career? How can I betray Asuma like this?"

Shikamaru felt nauseous at the unwavering intensity leaking through the steel of her voice. Clearly she had put more thoughts into the problem than he had. "Kurenai-sensei, that's not what I..."

"Listen, Shikamaru-kun. I love Mirai-chan more than anything else on this world. But can you imagine what it's like, to spend all your life working for your village or preparing for it? To learn your craft, to constantly hone your skills, to push your own limits, to win respect by the sweat of your brow. You're taught to fight, to trick, to cheat, to  _die_ for your village. Being a kunoichi is what you  _are._ "

She took a deep breath. "And then it all stops. Suddenly, you're not a kunoichi anymore. Instead you're an housewife, only without a husband. It's like everything you did, all the sacrifices, the suffering, the dreams you had, none of that count anymore. You're a mother, and nothing else."

"I can't live like this anymore. Not even for Mirai-chan," Kurenai-sensei shook her head exhaustingly, as if the passion of her rant had completely drained her.

Indeed, Shikamaru couldn't understand. As the head of his clan, as a man, no one would ask the same of him and expect him to step down from his career to raise children. Except he kind of could understand. He was one of those children whose mother had been forced to abandon her job for. For all her constant ranting, his mother had never complained about it, or as much as brought up the matter. But he wasn't so unobservant not to notice the longing in her sighs as she showed him katas or the regret lurking behind her eyes as she waved goodbye at him when he left for missions.

"I suppose you have a plan," he drawled eventually. "Taking home-based missions? Finding babysitters perhaps?"

Kurenai blinked, taken aback by his easy acceptation. Unsurprising, considering how involved Shikamaru was with Mirai's happiness and the reputation of misogynist he still carried, but a bit disappointing. He wasn't so self-centred not to understand her feelings now she had expressed them so clearly. "Ah, yes, exactly. It's already planned out with Kaka...Hokage-sama. I intend to put Mirai-chan in pre-school since she's three already..."

"Okay," Shikamaru nodded along with carefully crafted neutrality. "If you need anything, you know we're there. If I'm available I don't mind babysitting Mirai-chan, and I know the others share my opinion."

By others, he meant Ino, Chouji, Hinata, Shino, Kiba and himself. He could probably throw Naruto in their lot, he'd be delighted for the occasion to be around kids.

"Shikamaru-kun..." fondness softened her voice. "You kids all have very busy lives and helped me out so much already, I can't possibly..."

"Anything, sensei, anything?" he insisted, before adding with a wry smirk. "No more genjutsu testing though, please."

"I make no promises," Kurenai laughed out loud as a small figure slipped inside the room. "Ah, Mirai-chan, you're awake! Look who came to visit us!"

The adorable three-years old rubbed her eyes like a kitten. She brightened visibly when she recognized Shikamaru. He tried not to puff out with smug pride at her excitement to see him. "Nii-chan!"

"Hey kiddo," he smiled back. "Missed me?"

With the enthusiastic way she cannonballed into his arms, he would take that as a fervent  _yes_.

.

.

Behind white walls and closed doors, nested in the very heart of the Hyuuga compound, a garden. Not any kind of garden, mind you, a well ordered symphony in shades of green, pink, brown, white, blue, the best of the best of sophisticated landscaping, the cream of the crop in term of outdoor arrangement.

Or so Shikamaru assumed. Admittedly his own clan never bothered with such a tedious and constant struggle to tame Nature to their will. They mostly let the forest on their ground be. What was the point of forcing order where it had nothing to do?

The point was, power display. At least that was the way he perceived the odd spectacle of carefully-groomed trees, the mercilessly cut green grass, the meticulously trimmed bamboos. Everything is at their rightful places, said the geometrical flower beds. Nothing is above our hierarchy, said the aerial bridges arching above quiet water. Not even the chaotic mess that is Nature.

Yet. Small pockets of resistance could be spotted, if one knew how to pay attention. One rose peeking outside of her allowed space, daringly branching out towards the camellias. One brave ivy vine climbing out the pristine white walls. One rock not quite arranged like the others. Looked like someone had taken small steps to undermine the absolutist order of the Hyuuga's heart.

Shikamaru had strong inking on the identity of their rebellious gardener.

"Ple..please forgive me for the waiting," Hinata said as she put the stray in front of him. "I hope you like chamomile tea?"

"I have no strong opinions on chamomile tea," Shikamaru accepted the offered cup. "You didn't have to go through the trouble though. I'm the one who showed up without warning."

"Oh, it's no trouble," Hinata smiled as if she was genuinely happy of his intrusion on her rest time. "I'm always glad to have company, even unexpected one."

Shikamaru could only be relieved neither his host nor the Hyuuga branch member who had let him inside the Compound had asked what the fuck he was doing, standing aimlessly in front of the door like a creep. He had no other answer to offer aside from 'I have no idea'. He just knew he needed to get away from his house and had been the first surprised to find himself at the Hyuuga Compound.

"Your garden is beautiful," he swiftly changed the subject. "Your work?"

Hinata eyed her casual clothes tainted with green grass and the dirt tucked under nails and blushed. "H...hardly! Two of my aunts are in charge of maintaining the grounds, and I occasionally help them out, I suppose?"

Shikamaru indulged himself for a second imagining what it would look like if Naruto was allowed 'help out' too. The Hyuuga had done some progress recently opening up to the rest of village but he doubted they were quite ready for his rather chaotic approach to art. Sage knew coaching Naruto to prepare him for family dinners at Hinata's had been exhausting enough. Shikamaru suspected those had gone relatively well only to Hinata's divine mediation talents and Hiashi's reluctant fondness for the boy. His relation with his departed nephew had been mended thanks for Naruto kicking some sense into Neji's ass during their Chuunin exams after all.

"Again, I apologize for imposing on you so rudely, "Shikamaru bowed his head. "You don't have to indulge me if you are busy, Hinata."

"Truly, I don't mind at all!" the Hyuuga heiress shook her head earnestly, before asking hesitantly. "Is there...something wrong, Shikamaru-kun? If I may, you seem...troubled."

"Nothing's wrong. I'm being stupid," he admitted with a wry smirk.

"Oh. If you wish to talk about it, I'll be happy to listen. Or we can speak of anything really. Or don't speak at all...I'm shutting up right now."

Shikamaru couldn't help chuckling softly as her muttering died out. How could this anxious girl be the same that had confidently stood up to the Daimyo and his ruthless minister without batting an eyelash? Then he remembered why he had ended up in her garden in the first place, and his amusement froze in his throat.

Responsibilities. As a child he had run away from them, despite being perfectly aware he would have step up as clan head at some uncertain point in the future. As a shinobi he had been compelled to accept them. The second they put the cursed green jacket on his back and told him 'this is your team', Shikamaru had no choice but to embrace the role he had been given.

He still hadn't been ready when his father had said as his last words: "I'm leaving the rest to you."

Commanding troops were one thing. Shikamaru could that shit half-dying. Advising the Hokage? Not an issue, he learnt fast. But leading his clan? Taking his father's place? The simple thought was enough to twist his guts into painful knots. Fuck no, he wasn't ready. He just  _wasn't._ It didn't mattered he had been preparing for the role his whole life. It didn't mattered he was more qualified, and knew it. It didn't mattered he had the clan's entire support. What mattered was that being clan head was  _Shikamaru's dad thing_ and would never be  _his_.

Thankfully, his mother had understood his visceral reluctance. She and his uncle Ensui had taken upon themselves to assure his clan duties in his stead, the time for his traumatized sixteen years old to pull him back together. Except Shikamaru was now eighteen, a competent jonin, a trusted advisor of the Hokage, and he had yet to take back his burden from them.

His mother's patience was running thin. She kept on trying to include on clan business, to progressively ease him into the role, but Shikamaru just...couldn't.

"Say, Hinata," he eventually said. "If you become clan head right now, just like that. What would you do?"

Her eyes cleared up in startled understanding. "Do? I..I don't really know..."

"You've never thought about it?"

"Haven't you?" she replied on the spot, before pressing her hands over her mouth, mortified by her rash forwardness. "I'm so so..sorry Shikamaru-kun! I...I didn't mean..."

Her entire face had turned into a beetle red shade. She looked like a flailing tomato. It was frankly hilarious. Perhaps because Shikamaru was borderline hysterical. "Eh. It's only fair."

Hinata blinked up, eyes like giant moons, before her head dropped down.

"Inheritances..." she whispered to her lap. "Inheritances can be heavy sometimes. Overwhelming."

And wasn't that the truth. Maybe that was why his aimless wandering had taken him to her. Hinata got it. Probably more than he did. If the weight of his responsibilities felt enormous on his shoulders already, at least his own clan never went out of their way to purposely attempt to crush him under it.

"It may be presumptuous of me..." the black-haired kunoichi added hesitantly. "But I've come to find thinking 'what can I bring to the clan' instead of 'how can I live up to my predecessors' somehow...makes it easier."

So basically be your own person, and stop trying to mimic your dad. Nothing Shikamaru hadn't told himself a thousand time before. He turned his head towards the garden. Green shone brightly on his retina. A lifetime ago, the green of his forest and the blue of the sky didn't used to hurt.

"I don't want to let go," he said softly, so softly he thought she might not hear his embarrassing confession.

Compassion twisted her mouth. If it had been pity, he would have left on the spot. He allowed her hand to skirt over his comfortingly. "Accepting doesn't mean letting go, Shikamaru-kun. Nor forgetting. It means owning up your loss and walking forward with your loved ones still there."

Hinata flickered at his temple. Had he been someone else, she might have pointed at his heart but by now she knew where his priorities lied. "It's not that easy."

"Of course it's not  _easy_. We wouldn't be human if it was easy."

...Human, right? "When did you get so wise?"

She laughed. It sounded half like sadness, half like happiness. "Well Shikamaru-kun. I guess  _someone_  owed to be."

.

.

Shikamaru tugged at the hem of his sleeve with raising irritation. The soft fabric of the yukata rolled unnervingly on his skin. The cloth fitted perfectly his skinny body, which shouldn't be surprising considering Ino had handpicked it herself. Moreover, it had plenty of secret pockets hidden underneath, a necessary quality for a paranoid asshole like himself.

Shikamaru hated it. Because he loathed dressing up into formal clothes, and because Ino had forced the detestable outfit on him. With his mother backing the blond up, he had found himself with no room of escape. What was wrong with his usual clothes anyway?

"They're awful," Ino turned up her nose at his entire person. "We're going to a festival. People who are not lazy douchebags dress up for festival."

He had gone to festivals in his 'awful clothes' before. He failed to understand why he couldn't do the same this time.

"Don't be obtuse, obliviousness doesn't suit you," she flicked her wrist dismissively. "My date can't show up in public looking like a hobo, alright. Now stop whining, we have to get going."

"Date?" he spurted, horrified. "We're not  _dating_!"

Ino and him, as a couple. What a terrifying thought. He wished he could bleach his brain to erase the image out of his memories.

"For tonight, we are," Ino stared back, unimpressed at his genuinely disturbed reaction. "Fake-dating, mind you."

And wasn't that a relief. Just Ino and her weirdly convoluted plans. Nothing new under the sun. "Let me guess," he pinched the bridge of his nose exhaustingly as she grabbed her bag. "You want to find out who's interested in you using me as bait."

"Wow, you do have a brain after all!" his teammate patted his arm condescended before dragging him downstairs. "Something like that. Anyway, we haven't seen each other in four months. You could at least fake being happy to see me."

He  _was_ happy to see Ino. Sort of. He had kind of forgotten how much of a pain she could be during her long-term mission outside the village. "We could have just gone for coffee."

"Booooriiing," she rolled her eyes. "You know, some people would kill to go on a date with me. You should be more grateful I'm willing to be seen in public with your sloppy ass."

His cousins whistled as they walked down the street, Ino's arm tucked under his. Clearly she had decided to commit entirely to the ruse. She waved and winked at them and pinched his flank when Shikamaru flipped his annoying relatives the bird behind her head.

"My sloppy ass was just fine before you broke into my house," he groaned. "I could have been doing something you know?"

Her glare was openly full of contempt. Anyone else might interpret it as romantic staring, because Ino was good like that. "Pff,  _you_? As if."

They passed in front of Ichiraku stand, already filled with merry customers dressed up in formal clothes. Teuchi-san smiled confusedly to them when he caught of Ino hanging to his arm like a persistent octopus. Great. More misunderstandings to clear up for later.

"I still don't know what I'm doing here," he mumbled as Ino stared at the crowd intently. "It's not like you need me to make whoever is it you're aiming at jealous."

And she didn't. Ino was perfectly able to seduce whoever she wanted and spot which poor idiot was romantically invested in her on her own, she had hardly needed Shikamaru's presence to egg them on. Plus, any admirer worth their salt would know Ino had no amorous interest whatsoever in her childhood friend, and vice versa. So truly it made no sense...unless he had inversed their roles, and  _she_ was the bait.

Now her forceful attitude made sense, in a horrifying kind of way. "Fuck. You're trying not find out who's interested in you. You already know that. You're trying to find out who's interested in  _me_."

"Maybe," she smiled brightly. Her grip tightened around his arm, and her nails pushed through the fabric of the yukata and on his skin. 'Try to leave and see what happens' her threatening grin said. "Don't thank for scarifying my reputation for your pathetic love life; I'm simply selfless like that."

"When exactly did I ask you to," he said between gritted teeth. "You're losing your time. No one is interested in me."

"Shika, honestly," his former teammate tutted disapprovingly. "I know I said I'd rather cut my own foot than date you myself..."

" _Seconded_."

"But you're not  _that bad_."

He did know that. "Fine. Then no one is interested in me I'm also interested into. Happy?"

"Unconvinced," she laughed to his scowling face. "Ye of little faith. Just let Aunt Ino handle everything. I know what I'm doing li..."

"Shika!" the loud call cut through the brouhaha of the crowd from behind. "And... _Ino?_ "

Shit. Naruto. Exactly the person Shikamaru had no wish to see tangled in this cluster fuck of a plot.

Still hanging on to him, Ino giggled creepily sotto voce. "Hook, sink,  _liner_." Then she turned around, pushing Shikamaru with her and waved happily with her free hand. "Hey, Naruto. And Hinata! Wow, you two cleaned up  _nice_."

Oh Sage,  _no_. Naruto and Hinata dressed up. Naruto and Hinata dressed up  _with matching outfits_ , abort Brain, abort. 'Don't worry about me dude, I can deal with it' Brain scoffed. 'The problem is  _downstairs_.'

True. Dick was not prepared for Naruto 'cleaned up nice' in a navy blue kimono, his white haori thankfully covering his shoulders from Shikamaru's wandering eyes. Unfortunately it did nothing to protect innocent bystanders from the agonizing appeal of the loose neckline showing off pieces of muscular pectorals. 'Nipples are  _so close'_ , Dick whined.

At the very least, they should have been ready for Hinata in her similarly coloured yukata beaming brightly. They had spent two weeks with dress like a goddess, this was  _nothing_ by comparison. 'Yeah, but we weren't in love with her at the time,' Heart bemoaned empathically.

'We gotta get the fuck out of here' Shikamaru, Brain and Heart decided unequivocally. 'I don't know,' Dick purred, doing the mental equivalent of licking his lips. 'I like it just fine here.'

Shikamaru felt dirty just listening to it. What kind of idiot would let Dick take decisions anyway.

"Are you guys on a date?" Naruto grinned wildly, too wildly. The Eyes shone dimly, warily. "Ha-ha, I had no idea you two were a  _thing_! Didja Hinata-chan?"

Hinata blinked up curiously. She probably knew Ino enough to be aware this couldn't be anything but a scandalous scam. "I wasn't, actually. Shall we offer congratulations?"

Hinata, no, don't indulge her madness. You were our only hope.

"Thanks!" Ino rested a possessive hand on his forearm. Ew. "So how are our two lovebirds doing uh?"

"We're doing great? Peachy!" Naruto laughed loudly. His girlfriend discreetly rubbed his back, addressing an amused smile of connivance to Shikamaru. "So when did you two started dating?"

"Recently," his fake girlfriend said curtly before Shikamaru had an chance to rectify the disaster with a heartfelt ' _never_ '.

"It's so great to have you back Ino-chan," Hinata smiled sincerely. "We won't intrude on your date any further. Let's go Naruto-kun."

Naruto spurted a confused okay as the Hyuuga tugged on the hem of his sleeve fondly. Shikamaru sent a glance of pure loathing to the vicious vixen smirking next to him. "Oh,  _fine"_ , she mumbled before calling out loudly. "Hey guys! Come back for a sec!"

"We're not really dating, dumbass," Ino rolled her eyes at Naruto. "I can't believe you bought that crap. I have standards you know."

Hinata chuckled good-naturedly as her boyfriend crossed her arms defensively. "HA, I knew it! And what's that supposed to mean? Anyone would be happy to date Shika, ya know! He's a great guy!"

'Heard that,' Dick twitched smugly. "We're a  _great guy_ '. 'Not you,' Heart snorted. 'You're just a pervert, right Brain? Brain, are you still there? Fuck, Brain shut down.'

"Anyone, hmm?" Ino perked up slyly. "Like who?"

"I dunno!" Naruto outright  _blushed_ , what the  _hell_. "People!"

Ino pursed her lips, her wicked eyes gleaming with predatory interest. Shikamaru sent a begging glance to Hinata, who was watching the whole disaster without intervening. 'Do. Something. Please.' he uttered soundlessly. After a second of consideration, she nodded.

"Ino-chan," the brunette smiled apologetically. "I'm sorry to cut short on our conversation like this, but Kiba-kun and Shino-kun are waiting for us..."

"Nah, it's fine," Ino perceived the excuse for what it was and allowed it nonetheless. "Don't let us delay you. Have fun!"

"You two as well" they smiled to each other as they firmly whisked their male companions aside. Thank the Sage for Hyuuga Hinata.

Now Shikamaru only had to deal with Ino. What a joy. At least with Naruto and his indecent naked neck away from them, Brain was back to function.

"Oh. My. God," she gasped gleefully. "What the heck  _happened_ there?"

"You trying to ruin my social life, maybe," he mused out with faint casualness. "You're so troublesome."

"What social life? Dude, I've seen desert refugee looking less thirsty than you did. What were you trying to do, licking Naruto's chest with your eyes? I mean, I knew you were completely gone on him, but daaaamn."

He knew alright. There truly was no need to twist the knife, he was already down. 'See what you did Dick?' Brain scowled. 'This one is on you'. Dick gave him the finger.

"But you pining on our future Hokage is no news," Ino smirked. "Hinata however..."

Fuck, she noticed. Of course she did. "What about Hinata."

"Shika. You dorks were totally having  _a thing_. Like, right in front of us!" she flailed around for emphasis.

"We didn't have a thing, you weirdo," he denied truthfully. If anything, he was having a thing on his lonesome. At no point would the Hyuuga reciprocate his gross inappropriate feelings.

"You so  _did_ ," Ino poked at his chest pointedly. "I almost thought you were having an affair with  _both of them_. Except, too much unresolved sexual tension."

"Fine," he growled as he flicked her hand away. "Fine, yes, I like them both, I'm  _that_  fucked up. You're happy?"

God. What was  _wrong_ with him? As if lusting after his practically married friend wasn't enough, but nooo, he just had to pant after his girlfriend too. Was there no limit to his perversion?

"Shika. Shika, you idiot," she pulled down on his sleeve until she could whisper in his ear. "Did you not notice...?"

Noticed how much a cluster fuck he was? Yeah, he had, thank you very much.

" _Those two were definitely ogling you back_."

.

.

Ha-ha. Ah. Bullshit. Ino was full of  _bullshit_. Stuff like that didn't happen outside of Icha Icha. Never. At least not to Shikamaru.

And he absolutely did not pay attention when a subsection born of Hinata Clan and Shikamaru Team alike launched a new concept out of the depth of their convoluted imagination: HinaNaruShika.

...Shikamaru might actually have to exile himself at some point in the near future.

.


	5. The Epic Tale of Nara 'Suspicious' Shikamaru, or the Art of single-handedly keeping Konoha's Rumor Mill spinning

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Grief/Mourning, Naruto's tragic backstory
> 
> What did I do to my own crack guys? It's all serious business, domestic fluff and hurt-comfort now wth happened?

At five, Naruto could count on one hand the number of times he had been touched gently, just for the sake of it. Each gesture of affection was tucked lovingly within his heart, where all the good and bad things slept.

There was this nice lady with a lopsided smile at the orphanage, who cupped his cheek fondly when he gave her a flower. It only happened once, the lady mysteriously disappeared after that, but he cherished the memory all the same. There was Old Man Hokage, who would grasp his hand back and smile down effortlessly at him as if Naruto was the kind of person who deserved such kindness. There was one of the Masks, who occasionally would ruffle his hair and tuck him in to bed.

He didn't know at the time, but his skin had been marked with so much more love than what he remembered. His dad, holding him in his arms protectively. His mom, blowing raspberries on his cheeks as she cried goodbyes. Ero-sennin, leaving a kiss on his forehead as he gave his godson away. The Dog Mask, touching rarely but looking from afar, vigilant always.

Later, there would be Iruka-sensei, clasping shoulders and patting heads. There would be Sakura, a fist more than a hand, but a touch nonetheless and later an affectionate push on his back. There would be Sasuke, lightning skin shivering with fury and hate, a last breath in his arms, one fist in the middle of ribcage, straight to the heart. There would be Kakashi, shying away from physical contact but correcting stances, ruffling hair and giving eye-crooked smiles. There would be Hinata, tender kisses on his brow, bone melting hugs, breathes of 'love you' heart-deep until he drowned under it, getting high from casual proofs of endearment like a junkie would on drugs.

At the time though. At the time, five and lonely and love-starved, Naruto barely understood what a friendly touch even was. When the boy leant down and held a hand, he assumed he was going to get hit. He flinched.

The boy had dark hair and dark eyes, and a constantly bored expression resting on his face. His name was Shikamaru. Naruto knew so because he had heard the other children call him 'lazy Shikamaru' or 'boring Shikamaru' before. Shikamaru didn't seem to care about what they said, unlike Naruto whose very own soul curled up in shame each time the word freak or monster was thrown to his hopeful face.

It was like Shikamaru wore a mask too, like the Masks following Naruto around, but a mask of flesh and bones and unreadable eyes. He betrayed no emotion when Naruto flinched away from him due to sheer habit.

"Oi," he said, hiding his hands in his pockets without looking at Naruto. "Wanna play?"

Naruto gasped incredulously. Other children never asked Naruto to play.  _Naruto_ asked other children to play, and they laughed at him. "Uh? You wanna play with  _me_? For real?"

Shikamaru, who had now instantly earned himself the title of Best Person In The Entire World, scratched the back of his head uncomfortably. "Sure."

"YOOOSH!" Naruto jumped on his feet, happier than ever. He still wasn't convinced he was being played at but whatever. "Let's play! Whatcha we gonna do? Hunter? Ninja?"

"Slow down," the other boy yawned loudly at the Uzumaki's enthusiasm. "We have to find Chouji

first."

Naruto had no idea who Chouji was but he wasn't picky in any case. "Kay" he forced himself to stay still. He didn't wanted to spook his first friend ever.

"C'mon, let's go," Shikamaru said as he grabbed Naruto's hand.

Thin fingers wrapped around Naruto's palm, cold against Naruto's hot skin. He stared bemusedly at their intertwined fingers, dazzled at the strange sensation.

"You comin'?" Shikamaru tugged forwards gently, without hurry, as if he had all the time in the world.

And so Naruto followed. He met kindness in the form of a shy boy with marked cheeks, kinship with a sharp-toothed laugh, fascination in the form of a pink-haired girl. Shikamaru, being so much smarter than Naruto, quickly withdrew from him as Naruto formed tentative friendship with boisterous Kiba and devoted himself to try winning Sakura-chan over.

They...drifted away, like the clouds Shikamaru liked so much to watch. Friends, without the closeness. And Naruto allowed it, because it wasn't like a guy like Shikamaru could want to hang out with dumbass like Naruto anyway right?

But Naruto never forgot. He never forgot the boy who took his hand first, and led him away from the loneliness, if only for a time. He never forgot the feeling of complete adoration as he followed Shikamaru around, his heart throbbing painfully between their joined hands, hoping so hard that this moment would never  _ever s_ top.

It scared him a bit, later, how one single kindness had mattered so much to him. He stayed awake at night, thinking of that small hand around his. It scared him still, to be honest. He thought he had gotten over it, and then unexpectedly, Shikamaru's mouth would do that smirking thing of his and Naruto would fall straight back into his poor coping habits. Five and aching and 'I'll follow you anywhere' all over again.

And so thirteen years later, when Shikamaru blinked up at him, knees buried in sand, a speck of dirt on his cheek and greeted him with a casual: "Hey it's Naruto. Wanna play with us?" Naruto's heart honest to god skipped a beat, or five. They were in the very same park they had met so long ago. A spark of emotion on his part was warranted.

"Uh?" the kid Shikamaru was currently entertaining perked up curiously. "Who's dat, nii-san?"

Nii-san. The little girl was calling Shikamaru big brother and making him play around the sandbox. Naruto had vivid memories of his friend as a kid complaining sandcastle building was simply too troublesome, and now he had caught the grown up version crafting an incredibly detailed reproduction of the Hokage Tower out of wet sand for the sake of one child.

"It's Naruto," the Nara explained with a smile as he pinched the girl's cheek playfully. "Hinata-nee-chan's boyfriend."

Hinata-nee-chan? Ooooh, the little girl had to be Mirai-chan, Shikamaru and Hinata's goddaughter. Naruto had met Asuma-sensei and Kurenai-sensei's kid before when she was just a baby. Kids did grow up fast, didn't they? "Hi Mirai-chan!"

Mirai-chan beamed happily, smiling in a way that only children could, without reserve, without bitterness. Naruto wished he could still smile like that. Except he never truly did, did he.

"What are doing here, Naruto?" Shikamaru asked distractedly as he finished shaping the upper part of the sand tower.

"Oh, I like to go the park, occasionally," he chuckled sheepishly. "Clear up my mind, ya know."

It wasn't even a lie. Whenever he felt the need to think, to distance himself from the weight of expectations thrown over his unprepared shoulders, his feet directed him here. He would hide on top of trees and watch people go on with their lives. Friends meeting up at the fountain and laughing on the grass, old people playing cards and board games, the lady in pink feeding the birds and the quiet gardener watering daisies.

He liked watching the kids the most. Running wildly, grinning sincerely, crying without taboo, kids being kids in their honest, untouched way. He'd begin to think about maybe, perhaps, bringing his own kids to the park. Bright-eyed kids with his laugh and Hinata's smile, dark haired, blond haired, tall or small, it didn't really matter. Kids who never knew the true meaning of loneliness.

"Yeah?" Shikamaru said neutrally, without pushing further. He was like that. Laid back and indifferent, at least in appearance. A sharp mind hidden behind glossy eyes. Not like he needed to probe for answers to get what he wanted.

Frankly, he wouldn't be surprised if Shikamaru knew more about Naruto than Naruto himself.

He shrugged. "Yep."

Taking advantage of her babysitter's supposed distraction, Mirai-chan leant forward eagerly with the intention of smacking Shikamaru's sand construction. Fat chance of that. The Nara flicked her little hand away and swiftly grabbed her between his arms without breaking eye contact with Naruto.

"I don't think so," Shikamaru said sternly to his squirming charge. "You want destroy a tower, then you gotta build one of your own, little brat."

"Niiiiiii-chaaaaan," Mirai pouted before bursting into hysterical giggling. "Don't tiiiickle me!"

"What was that?" He asked innocently, his hand dancing on her soft belly. "You want more?"

"Noooooo!"

Oh no, something within Naruto stirred. Oh no he's  _cute_.

Back when he was still the most unfamous pariah of the village, one of Naruto's nicest neighbours had a snowglobe collection he let him admire every once in a while. Old Man was super proud of his glass bubbles, and he had shitton of those. From Konoha's Wall to Wave's Great Bridge passing through Snow's Mountains, you named a famous landscape, Old Man had it caught in a bubble. Naruto loved to watch them, the few times he was allowed to. The detailed and exotic miniatures. The fascinating fall of fake snowflakes. A little world of its own, contained, secured,  _unreachable_.

He wished he could do the same to the outbursts of raw feelings raising through his body sometimes. Take the emotion out, cage it inside a bubble and put it on a shelf. His abandonment issues, in a snowglobe. His petrifying fear to be left alone, in a snowglobe. His desire for a family of his own, in a snowglobe. The terrifying edge of his unwelcomed longing, in a goddam snowglobe.

He didn't want to get rid of them altogether. Emotions were important, even those you wanted nothing to do with. But he merely wished he would not feel so  _overwhelmed_  by them. That he could get a chance to analyse them from the outside, instead of drowning under the dazzling power induced by a simple smile.

It wasn't how life worked though.

Shikamaru was merely acting his usual cool self, with the addition of a child, and Naruto couldn't help but suffocate under the wave of ' _I want that I want that_ '.

What a glorious mess of a human being he was.

' _Just fuck him already_ ' Kurama grumbled from within, exasperated by over complicated human social norms.

Naruto tactfully ignored the misguided advices of his foxy companion. Kurama meant well, but he failed to understand how the human world worked. Or refused to understand. He couldn't comprehend why Naruto wouldn't simply act on what he wanted.  _It doesn't work like this_  was not an explanation he could merely accept.

Not that Naruto wanted to do.. _.that_ with Shikamaru. Kurama conceptualized relationships under three kinds of boxes: kin, enemy and mate. Considering Shikamaru belonged to neither of the first two categories, that only left the third possible in his tiny brain.

' _I understand just fine that you're a bloody coward._ '

"Hey Naruto. Wanna play with us?"

Naruto looked down at the casually offered hand. He smiled.

"Sure!"

..  
.

Tiny cracks ran on the walls of Naruto's flat, the bright yellow paint barely managing to distract from the decadent state of the building. One small room and its adjacent bathroom was hardly enough to contain his domestic chaos and the collection of random mementos he kept. Potted plants fought for the luxury of a ray of sunshine on the windowsill and a mug stayed on the desk constantly for the sole purpose of catching the leak when it rained. It was unbearably hot in the summer, and freezing cold in winter.

At some point in his life, this poor, small, antiquated flat was the only place Naruto could afford. Or, more likely, the only place he hadn't been thrown out of. Now things were different, and every owner would be happy to rent the great Naruto-sama. He could probably buy his own building and live like a pacha should he wish to.

But he had refused to leave it. He had stayed in his poor, small, antiquated flat. People hadn't understood why a national hero would decide to stay in a crappy place when he could get a much better home, one with  _actual running water_ , for instance.

Hinata understood though. This place meant something to Naruto. He had lived here for so long the walls could write whole novels of his loneliness and his joys, of his failures and his victories. Everything in there screamt 'Uzumaki Naruto lives here', from the bright orange curtains to the Uzushio sigil drawn on every flat surface available passing through the complete collection of Icha Icha tucked between cooking handbooks and romance novels.

Needless to say, Hinata  _loved_  this tiny crappy flat filled of Naruto's presence.

"I went to the park today," Naruto said as he arched above her head to reach the upper cupboard.

"Oh?" Hinata replied questioningly. Cold water ran across her gloved fingers. Not the ideal temperature to clean dishes, but hot water reached this place every full moon, and even then only if the stars were aligned. At least that's what Naruto liked to proclaim.

"Yeah!" he caught the wet plate and started rubbing enthusiastically with his smiling sun-themed wipe. "I came across Shika too!"

Ah, she had thought so. Tonight Naruto was in this state between elation and awe that usually involved interactions with his 'advisor' somehow. She used to hate it, the rotten, ugly jealousy festering in her heart at the way he would speak of Shikamaru. But he made Naruto happy, even though her sweet dumbhead wasn't quite realizing the depth of his own feelings.

So Hinata had resigned herself to compromise for his love. At some point Naruto would understand friends did not look at each other the way he looked at Shikamaru, and he would make himself miserable trying to kill his inappropriate affections before he could hurt Hinata. And she knew she would have to either to step away or learn to share. So sharing it was. Shikamaru-kun wasn't a bad person. And he was pretty smart. They could work something out, for Naruto's sake.

Now? Now she didn't know anymore.

"Shikamaru-kun? At the park?" Hinata blinked with sincere bemusement, until she remembered what Kurenai-sensei had told her last time they had tea together. "Was he with Mirai-chan?"

"Hey, not fair, how did you know?" the love of her life pouted as he put the dry plate on the top of the others. "I wanted to surprise you, ya know!"

She giggled. "Hehe, I know everything. Also, Kurenai-sensei told me Shikamaru had agreed to babysit Mirai-chan every two weeks if he could, so sensei got some time to train."

Naruto poked on her shoulder with a huge grin. "They were playing in the sandbox. Mirai-chan is soooo cuuuute!"

"She is," Hinata nodded solemnly for emphasis. "What about Shikamaru-kun? Was he cute too?"

Being deeply acquainted with the unnerving feeling of having one's skin on fire without one's consent, Hinata managed not to laugh out loud at the purple flushes blossoming on Naruto's tanned skin out of sheer compassion. "Wha?  _Hinata-chan_! Men are not  _cute_!"

"They are too," she argued as she flickered specks of water at his nose teasingly. "Naruto-kun is very cute."

"Nope. Nope nope nope, I'm not hearing you," Naruto put his fingers in his ears dramatically, trying to hide how pleased he was of the compliment. As if Hinata couldn't read him like an open book. "Men are  _handsome_."

"Technicalities. You're very cute."

"Handsome!"

"Cute," she went onward, ignoring his falsely offended scowl. "And Sh..Shikamaru-kun is cute too!"

Naruto gasped, his eyes widening with disbelief. "You stop right there young lady!"

"Y..you know it's the truth, Naruto-kun!" she shook her head, putting her gloved hands back in the sink. "I bet Shikamaru-kun and Mirai-chan were  _adorable_. And I also bet you took  _pictures_."

"No I didn't!" he denied too quickly to be anything but a big, fat lie. He relented when she gave him an unimpressed side glare "...okay fine, but because of Mirai-chan!"

Hyuuga didn't roll their eyes. It was undignified, and what was the point when you had no pupil anyway? Otherwise Hinata would absolutely have rolled hers. 'Denial, denial, my old friend, I haven't seen you in forever. At least three whole days!'

"And," Naruto unsubtly changed the subject. "Why aren't we babysitting Mirai-chan too? She's your goddaughter too right?"

Hinata saw the desperate call for help for what it was and decided to go along. "I'm supposed to babysit Mirai-chan next sunday. We're going to the aquarium. Would you like to come with us, Naruto-kun?"

His blue eyes glistened with barely contained excitement. "Yeah! I mean, if you don't mind?"

"Of course not," she nudged her shoulder against his softly. "It will be so fun!"

"Yeeeees," Naruto cheered before leaving a ghost-like kiss on her cheek.

The Hinata from three years ago would have fainted at the contact. Actually she would have fainted at the simple fact she was standing alone in the same room than Naruto-kun. That Hinata would never believe she was sharing the life of her lifelong crush.

This Hinata couldn't believe it either most of the time.

The water sank through the tube as Hinata pushed up the plug. Her hands felt moist under the washing gloves. The plastic croaked when she removed them and put them at the edge of the sink.

"Say Naruto-kun?" she asked neutrally while she rinsed off her hands under cold water. "Was there something you wanted to tell me?"

Naruto froze mid-action, clean plates dangling dangerously between his fingers. "Errr...maybe?"

Usually Hinata avoided direct confrontations. Both because she loathed those and because Naruto eventually got off his chest what he wanted to talk about when ready. There was little point pushing him for answers. But he had been acting skittish for a week now, and it didn't seem to get better.

"Sooo, hm…" he put the plates inside the cupboard, dodging her curious glance. "Kakashi-sensei kind of offered the Hokage House to me. Said he had no use for it and I would move in there eventually anyway."

Hinata's weak, silly heart skipped a beat. Was he going to ask what she thought he was going ask?

"I was wondering if maybe you would consider moving in? With me? Ya know?"

Oh. Oh yes,  _he was_. Definitely not what Hinata was expecting.

"Nevermind, forget it, it's stupid," Naruto quickly back-pedalled at her lack of immediate outward reaction. "Too soon, and you have your family thingie so obv…"

"I...I would be delighted to live with you Naruto-kun," she suddenly burst back to life, interrupting her boyfriend in the middle of his self-deprecating rant. "It's not stupid at all!"

She could already see it, clear as day. A living room full of bright colours instead of the neutral bland tones of the Hyuuga house, scents of lavender and ramen in the air, their respective plants growing next to each over. Maybe they could even grow a garden of their own. A wild, lovely, steadily fruitful jungle in their backyard.

"Y..Yeah?" he said hopefully. "But...doesn't the clan heir have to live inside the Compound?"

Ah. That. He brought up a valid point. Her inner giddiness dropped down to manageable levels. "Yes. They do. That being said, I believe I shall be able to arrange a compromise. I might not to be able to live full time with you, at least for the moment…"

"It's fine!" Naruto grasped her hands between his own eagerly. His calloused skin felt as familiar as her own. "Even a little is good!"

Naruto treated still every scrap of affection and emotional involvement he got as a personal victory he hardly deserved. Crippling loneliness and systematic social rejection would do that to the strongest soul.

But Naruto deserved better than the subpar crumbs of commitment Hinata could give. He deserved  _the word_.

And one way or another, Hinata would find a way to offer it to him.

Well. Her and Shikamaru. Maybe.

.

One of the hardest things for Naruto during his two years-long journey with Ero-sennin, aside from the constant moving and the fact he wasted more time tracking down his teacher than getting any actual training done, was the  _sake_. He loathed the bittersweet scent, clinging to the old man like the unwelcome imprint of sadness and spite. It reminded him of his childhood in the poorest districts of Konoha. The scent of sake never meant anything good for the most unanimously hated orphan of the country. It tasted like shit too. And it wasn't like Naruto could get drunk anyway, with Kurama's chakra destroying the toxin faster than Naruto could drink.

Eventually, he learnt to appreciate the beverage and its subtle nuances. Tolerate it at least. He didn't feel like throwing up at the sight of it, so that was something.

Sai was a bit like sake. An acquired taste. It took a lot of time, perseverance and patience to get used to his peculiar take on friendship. And boy wasn't the dude  _weird_. That coming from Naruto, who was hardly the most emotionally adjusted ninja of this village of nutcases.

And yes, he did know Sai was like... _that_  due to his creepy upbringing and stuff. Sakura-chan had yelled enough to his face about 'reactional social phobia' and 'coping mechanisms' for him to get the message. Didn't change the fact that Sai used his 'coping mechanisms' like one would use a sword for a shield. It hurt everyone around him and didn't protect him for shit.

But yeah.  _Acquired taste_. Naruto didn't even bother to blink at his cursed nickname anymore. Habit truly was a strange creature. In the end, Sai was his teammate and one of his precious people, so he had no other choice but to suck it up and embrace the chaos.

Also Sai's ruthless,  _brutal_  honesty had its uses every once in a while.

Like right now.

"So what do ya think of this curtain?" Naruto asked distractedly as he rubbed the bright red fabric between his fingers. He needed to touch things, get the feeling to properly form an opinion. It was a character flaw he never managed to outgrow.

This was weird. Weird as fuck. Naruto was currently furniture shopping with  _Sai_. Scratch with Sai, the mere idea of being inside a furniture store felt surreal enough. Naruto was so used to being persona non grata that even years later, shops still fell into the category of 'unknown territories he had no business being inside of'. As if he was on the verge of being kicked out at any moment. Old habits die hard.

Needless to say, Naruto had zero clue how one was supposed to furniture shop appropriately. Not that not being completely out of his depth ever stopped him, mind you. But he wanted to do things  _right_  for Hinata-chan. She deserved better than subpar mattresses and uncoordinated napkins.

Hence, Sai's presence. Sai would never try to spare his feelings and not tell Naruto his tastes were shit. It simply wasn't how the man operated.

"It's absolutely hideous," Sai confirmed with a his usual creepy smile. "I'm starting to get worried about your eyesight, Dickless."

Naruto let the curtain go with a groan. It wasn't his fault if he was naturally attracted to bright, colorful, mismatched,  _hideous_  things. Of course Sai didn't need to be rude about it, but he wouldn't be Sai otherwise.

"How about this one?" he pointed at a soft blue curtain with subtle pattern of flowers embroidered on the lining. Hinata would like this, he thought.

"Better," Sai conceded. "It doesn't clash with the frog-themed cushions you chose at least."

"You leave my cushions alone," Naruto glared as he snuggled said pieces of art closer to his chest, where Sai's contempt wouldn't get to them. "Alright, blue curtains it is!"

Sai obediently grabbed a box and put it inside their caddy. They kept rolling down the aisle, staring bemusedly, or passively in Sai's case, at the products. Naruto frankly had no clue what half those things existed for.

"Dickless…" his former teammate tried as they reached dinnerware kingdom, before shutting down abruptly.

Naruto glanced at his friend curiously over the plate counter. Not like Sai to hold back on his opinions. "Yeah?"

"You're moving in with Hinata-san," Sai said slowly. "But you're in love with Shikamaru?"

Oh  _for fuck's sake_ , Naruto cursed internally, almost dropping the glass he was holding. Not those stupid rumors again. "Sai. Sai, I'm in love with Hinata-chan, okay? Shikamaru and I are  _friends_."

"But Ino said…"

"Well Ino is lying cow who needs to stop spreading rumors about innocent people," Naruto grumbled. There was nothing weird between Shika and him.  _Nothing_.

' _You keep telling yourself that_ ," Kurama cackled mercilessly.

"She lied to me?" Sai blinked, his face a blank canvas.

Oh. By now Naruto had enough experience reading behind Sai's set of masks to recognize his 'emotional distress' face. His and Ino's sort of friendship was definitely something he had no wish to touch with a ten-foot pole, but it was important to Sai.

"Nah, she wouldn't lie to you, Sai, buddy."  _Probably_. "She just think she knows everything about everyone, even though she's  _wrong wrong wrong_. I love Hinata-chan ya know, we're going to be very happy together, and that's the end of it."

Naruto patted Sai's shoulder, taking care to move as slowly as possible. The dude was squirmish about unexpected physical contact.

"Okay. But it is not possible to love different people at the same time? Romantically." Sai asked, frowning with genuine confusion.

No.  _It wasn't_. It would be weird and creepy and  _traitorous._ "I don't really know, bro. How about you ask Sakura-chan, kay?"

It was commonly admitted in team Seven that Sakura knew better. She just did. Everyone could agree on that. Except maybe Sasuke, but what did he know anyway. And Naruto wasn't afraid to use that to his advantage. He firmly steered Sai's towards the art section before he could come back to the charge.

And Naruto really didn't want to have that conversation. Especially not in public in the middle of a furniture store. Or ever, actually.

Never seemed perfectly fine to him.

.

.

"No."

"What, no?"

"No I'm not helping you move in. Carrying furniture is exhausting."

"It will be fun!"

"It won't. And I'm not doing it."

"We should respect Shikamaru-kun's wishes, Naruto-kun. He's already working so hard."

"What she said."

"..."

"..."

"...I hate you both. Fine.  _Fine_."

"Yatta!"

.  
.

The sudden whistle of the kettle pierced through the kitchen, a familiar sound if there ever was. Without hurry, Hinata put her pen to the side, stood up from her stool and walked toward the gas cooker. The steam flew past her face when she poured hot water inside the tea-pot. The bittersweet scent of orange blossom tea slowly arose before Hinata put the lid back on top of the flower-themed porcelaine, at the exact same moment Shikamaru stumbled down the stairs.

"Good morning, Shikamaru-kun," she smiled to her impromptu guest. "You woke just in time for tea."

Well. For her second pot of tea of the morning at least. In her defense, it was 11 am already and she had spent the last three hours attempting to find some sense to the Hyuuga's archaic inner laws. And didn't Hyuugas love to make things unnecessarily complicated. At that point, Hinata more than  _needed_ the comfort boost.

"Mornin'" Shikamaru replied automatically as he looked around the room with barely noticeable unease. "W... what time is it?"

Hinata blinked innocently as she slid a cup over the counter in his direction. "Tea time?"

The Nara  _stared_ at her from heavy eyelids, managing to convey disapproval despite his oblivious confusion. For a given value of oblivious. Hinata had spent enough time around the man to spot actual exhaustion where other people only saw typical Nara attitude.

She smiled and tilted her head to the side, looking pointedly at the chair. After a short battle of glares, Shikamaru sat down with a sigh. Hinata hummed contentedly as she poured his cup and hers, without bothering to remove the documents she was working on from the counter. Her father would be scandalized to see her dare to put liquids near the precious Hyuuga artefacts. What he didn't know couldn't hurt him.

"I am horribly late, am I not?" her guest said when he accepted the offered beverage.

"Hmm, no, you aren't," Hinata objected softly, blowing on the steam of her own tea. "Naruto called in sick in your stead."

"For fuck's sake," Shikamaru grumbled. She couldn't quite contain her amused smile when he put his hand on his forehead. "He couldn't have woken me up instead?"

The tips of her fingers burnt pleasantly as she curled her hand against the warm porcelain. Hinata had cold hands and feet. All Hyuugas did. A sharp contrast to her significant other, who might as well be a heater in human form.

"Say, Shikamaru-kun. When was the last time you had a full night of sleep?"

"Last night," he lied instantly, before caving in to her unimpressed glare. "Not so long ago."

"Hmm."

"I am a busy man, Hyuuga."

"Hmm."

"Don't hmm at me. This village won't run itself."

" _Hmm_." she cleared her throat empathically.

"Stop sassing me, you wicked woman."

Hinata stifled a giggle behind her hand. Shikamaru crumbled on the table, hiding his face between his arms. His hair fell along his shoulders, and she had to resist the unexpected urge to pet the dark tresses.

Her friend did look quite exhausted, didn't he? He and Naruto had worked all night, until Shikamaru had passed out on his work. The Nara was so tired that he hadn't even twitched when Naruto had carried him bride-style to the guest room. The Guest room which might as well be Shikamaru's room in all but name.

He had been working extra-hard lately, between his full-time job as advisor, Naruto's coaching, clan head duties and occasional jounin missions. Frankly, Hinata was starting to get  _concerned_. Of all her friends, she'd never thought Nara Shikamaru would be the one to require an direct intervention to stop him from working himself to the bone.

Looked like she might need to have friendly  _talk_ with Hokage-sama, rather sooner than later.

The sound of a knock on the door burst them out of their bubble of quiet peace.

Shikamaru's head snapped upright warily, his hand reaching out for his weapon by reflex. Hinata bit her her lips, silently cursing herself. She had forgotten she had a visit planned for today.

"Come in, Hanabi-chan!" she called loudly. "Door's open!"

The tension knotted in Shikamaru's shoulders melted away at her lack of concern. His entire body relaxed back to his usual slouching posture.

"Nee-san," Hinata's younger sister walked in after she closed the door behind her. "We talked about this. Locking doors is  _important_."

"My bad," she smiled at her sister.

"You say that all the time," Hanabi grumbled as she put her bag on the counter, before nodding coldly to Hinata's guest. "Nara. You look like crap."

"Hyuuga. Pleasure to see you too," Shikamaru sarcastically waved at her. "Well, I'll get out of your hair Hinata. Thanks for your hospitality, and good luck on your work."

He pointed vaguely a the pile of documents shuffled to the side, then left his seat, moving with his usual fluid nonchalance instead of the blurry mess he was a few minutes ago.

"You didn't even finish your tea," Hinata mumbled dejectedly. "Please get some rest, Shikamaru-kun."

Hanabi snorted while the man hummed non-commitaly. "Sure. Have a nice day, Hinata, Hyuuga."

Not even one minute after Shikamaru had left, Hanabi went for the offensive. Her sweet, disturbingly blunt little sister. "What was  _he_  doing here?" she asked, glaring viciously at his still half-full and abandoned cup.

Ah. Exactly the kind of conversation Hinata would rather not have. Her sister had close to no interactions with the Nara Clan Head in Hinata's presence, but the few time they did talk were tainted with latent animosity. At least on Hanabi's part, Shikamaru was more passively accepting her aggressiveness with amused resignation.

"Shikamaru was helping Naruto with one of his projects," Hinata eventually replied in a even tone.

"He's here all the time."

Well. While not strictly accurate, there was some undeniable truth to this statement. Shikamaru ate with them at least once a week, and slept in the 'guest room' every three weeks. He had a toothbrush tucked in with theirs, spare clothes in the closet, a towel of his own hanging in the bathroom, his favorite biscuits stocked in the cupboard.

Naruto dragged him back from the tower more often than not, and hardly bothered with the excuse of work anymore. Hinata regularly deviated from her path to find herself on the Nara Clan land, eager to take her friend to the newest tea shop, eventually bringing him back home for a quick meal  _and it was very late, he should probably sleep here_.

And Shikamaru let it all happen, protesting and grumbling and sighing for show but smiling to himself when he thought she couldn't see him.

He was slowly but surely nesting his way into their lives. Naruto might not quite realize what was happening, but Hinata sure did. And the intensity of how much she  _liked_ having him around,  _in their home_ , scared her as much as it elated her.

So no. She'd rather not talk about it. "You exaggerate."

"I don't like him. You don't know what they're saying in the Tower about Naruto-san and  _him_."

Oh she was perfectly aware of the kind of rumors born of the overactive imaginations of her boyfriend's colleagues. The Naruto's Love Life Betting Pool was a permanent source of hilarity.

She took a deep breath, forcing a smile. "Hanabi-chan. I know you mean well but my relationship isn't your problem. Can we focus on the task at hand please?"

Hyuuga were expert at avoiding necessary conversations they would rather not have. And Hinata would not hesitate to put that expertise to good use.

Hanabi grunted in vague agreement, still unsatisfied by the situation but smart enough to understand when a battle was already lost. Reforming the Hyuuga Clan clearly was more important than Hinata's boring love life in any case.

"Tea?" She offered her sister a cup with a sheepish smile.

Hanabi sighed dramatically. "You're such a nerd."

.

Of all of the Rookie Nine, who hardly could be considered rookie anymore but the name had stuck for some reasons, Aburame Shino was the one Shikamaru understood least. After so many years of friendship and teamwork, Ino's and Chouji's patterns of thought were as familiar to him as his own mind. Kiba and Naruto, although by no means stupid, both had a very straightforward personalities. Buried under deceiving girlish traits and outward aggressivity, Sakura had the mindset perhaps the closest to his own, coldly analytical, sharp and dangerous.

Which left only Hinata and Shino. And he had been spending plenty time with the former while hardly seeing the later. He could scarcely remember the last time he actually  _talked_ to the most elusive member of their group of oddballs.

That being said, Shikamaru had a knack for telling when people were mad at him. And Shino definitely didn't like him much at this exact moment.

"So," Shikamaru leant his back against the chair, forcing his body to relax into a falsely at ease position. "Since we have nothing else to do but wait...mind telling what I did to you?"

Shock tactic. Not exactly his most favored method of information gathering, but subtle probing wouldn't work with stoic and controlled personalities like Shino. Direct confrontation seemed like the opening most likely to get results. Or the Aburame could entirely clam up. It could go both ways.

Shino didn't deign to react visibly at the sudden question. He didn't even raise his eyes from the glass of beer in front of him he was probably never going to drink.

"I believe now is not the moment to speak of personal matters." His teammate for the day replied evenly with his usual pragmatism.

Well. He had a point. They were in the middle of a mission, therefore at the worst time possible to speak of their personal issues. The location, a civilian bar in a town a few miles outside of Konoha was hardly ideal either.

However Shikamaru had a point too. They were meant to meet for a potential informant regarding a sect from Snow, whose growing influence on the northern border of Fire Country was a source of concern for the Daimyo's court. The man they were waiting for claimed to have crucial intel on the leaders of the uncontrolable religious movement, but had refused to enter Konoha itself.

Hence Shikamaru and Shino's presence there, patiently and awkwardly waiting for the man to show up. And they really had nothing better to do until he did.

"Well, you didn't deny it. Could be an issue should we be forced to act together quickly," Shikamaru pointed out with a casual tone.

Meaning, if this was all a trap and they had to fight. Shikamaru sincerely doubted Shino would let petty details like personal resentment get in the way of the mission. The shinobi was too professional for such nonsense.

But Shikamaru was no above using arguments he didn't believe in to get what he wanted. He never was.

"I can assure you it won't." Shino raised his head and met Shikamaru's stare eye to eye. Well. Eye to tainted glasses.

"So you  _do_ dislike me," he drawled, as if the fact left him quite indifferent.

In truth, Shino's disapproval bothered him more than it should. The man was his comrade, one he held in high esteem and whose judgment he trusted. Shikamaru had made of patented indifference his brand. Yet it stung. Especially considering Shino was a very close friend of Hinata. Shikamaru  _really_ had no wish for the kunoichi to pick up on her teammate's dislike of him.

Her friendship had become disturbingly important to Shikamaru and he would not hesitate to fight to the death for her esteem.

Shino sighed. "I do no such thing. I did not take you for a dramatic person."

Shikamaru hadn't either. But stick too close to Naruto and the most laid back man would start picking op his habits.

He took a sip of his own glass of beer, barely touching the alcohol with his lips. "What's the matter then?"

"You have decided to be unreasonable I see. Very well." Shino deadpanned. "Hinata's happiness is important to me."

Shikamaru straightened on his sit, and blinked warily. "So is it to me."

The Aburame kept going without replying. "Therefore, I cannot approve of what she worked so hard for and earned being put in jeopardy."  _By you_ , went implied. "My concerns have been brought up to her, and she assured they were misguided. There is no point discussing the subject any further."

His  _concerns_. Shikamaru did think there was a  _point_ discussing it, for once. "Shino. I'm not having an affair with Naruto. If that's what you're implying. Those rumors have no basis."

Strange. Frankly Shikamaru would not have imagined  _Shino_ of all people would give value to the rumor mill turning wildly at the Tower.

"Perhaps you are not physically. Yet." the Aburame conceded with a nod. "But I have seen you interact with Naruto. You are emotionally involved with each other."

Emotionally involved. What an interesting way to summarize shared meals, calloused hands in his hair, confessions of weakness in the dead of the night. Shikamaru was  _emotionally involved_  with Naruto, alright. With Hinata, too. It didn't meant the contrary was true, by no mean.

"Naruto is emotionally involved with  _everyone_. That's how he rolls."

Instead of replying, Shino suddenly turned his head to the side, his kikaichu buzzling nervously under his collar. "Something is wrong."

The door of the bar exploded two seconds later.

.  
.

Ten minutes after Shizune had started poking at him, Hinata walked in the consultation room like a breeze. Quietly and softly. Looking so tranquil no one had probably thought of questioning her presence.

"What's the situation?" she mumbled as she stood next to Shizune.

Shikamaru met her blank stare curiously. One year ago, he would have been fooled by her apparent placidity. Now he knew better. The calmer Hinata looked, the more she was internally panicking.

"You're not supposed be here, Hinata-chan," the medic-nin sighed with resignation. "Very well. Nara-kun has a concussion. No sign of seriousness so far. He also presents superficial wounds on the arms and legs. We've run blood tests without finding any traces toxins and poisons."

"Good. Good," Hinata left Shizune's side to stand by his own. The tip of her fingers skimmed over he skin of his arm, just above his bandaged wound, the contact as light as a gentle breeze. A fairy's touch. "What happened?" she asked, her moon-like eyes fixed on his face.

Watching those pupil-less windows felt like drowning. To be fair Shikamaru  _did_  have a concussion. He leant into her touch, rejoicing silently in the touch of her palm against his arm.  _Pathetic_. "I assume Shino told you already."

"He did. But I would like to hear it from you, if you don't mind."

Did she have to be so polite and gently concerned? He shrugged. A stupid move, considering to throbbing pain in his arm. Whatever. "T'was a trap. We got out, captured the bad guys, no civilian casualties. End of story."

Shizune snorted at his less-than-stellar reporting skills. Hinata hummed non-comitaly. Her hand moved from his arm to his shoulder. "Shino said you got hurt protecting civilians."

Well. Yes. Their attackers were clearly unused to combat against shinobi. Defeating them was no feat. But their inexperience made them only more dangerous for non-shinobi people.

He turned toward Shizune, tearing himself away from Hinata's worried eyes. "Can I go now, then?"

"It depends. Either you stay here for surveillance for twenty-four hours, or you go home on the condition that someone familiar with concussion symptoms stays for you for a day to check on you regularly," the medic-nin informed him cheerfully without raising her eyes from the report she was rapidly filling.

He groaned aggravatedly. He was perfectly  _fine._

"His mother is out of town for the week," Hinata told Shizune obligingly, to his surprise. How could she remember such a trivial detail? He had mentioned his mother visiting her cousin three weeks ago in passing.

"I'm not staying here," he said to the medic-nin firmly.

Hinata's hand left his shoulder to cup his cheek tenderly. His breath escaped his control for a second at the unexpected mark of affection. She smiled softly down at him. "Of course not. You will stay with us. I can check on you."

What.  _What was she doing_? In front of a third party no less. He should flick her hand away. Before Shizune got the wrong idea. He didn't.

Shizune stared back with apparent passivity, as if utterly uninterested at the spectacle of Naruto's girlfriend displaying signs of intimacy with another man. "Perfect. You know the drill, Hinata-chan. Any lasting headaches, vomiting, signs of confusion or other neurological symptoms and he has to come back here."

"You can count on us, Shizune-sensei," Hinata assured her with a soft smile. Once again her touch had migrated, from his cheek to his hair, her fingers playing idly with his dirty strands without second thoughts.

And Shikamaru was too weak a man to oppose her, even though he was perfectly aware he needed to.

"Good. You're free to go then," Shizune declared as she signed her report, at the exact moment Naruto barged in.

Uzumaki Naruto did not do enter quietly. Uzumaki Naruto was a storm, not a breeze. By that logic, it made perfect sense he would slam the door open yelling "SHIKAMARU! Are you OKAY?"

For fuck's sake. Shikamaru was not  _dead_. He wasn't even seriously wounded. He sighed at him while Hinata chuckled, her hand still running soothing circles on his temple.

"Out of my hospital," Shizune rolled her eyes at the man she considered her nephew. "All of you."

Shikamaru wasted no time climbing off the examination table, dodging Naruto's tearful embrace.

The night was going to be long.

.

They ended up snuggling on the couch with a stock of unhealthy food and a hoard of frog-themed blankets, watching reruns of the adventures of the Yuki Princess. Hinata fell asleep first, smiling contentedly in her slumber. Naruto alternated between sharing anecdotes about the movie and asking Shikamaru every two seconds if he was feeling okay,  _no weird thingies happening, and did he need another blanket_ , before thankfully dozing off.

And Shikamaru spent the rest of the night staring at the ceiling, Hinata's head on his shoulder and Naruto's leg over his. Guiltily thinking he should get himself concussed more often.

.

"Hey Hinata-chan... _What are we doing?_ "

"I...I don't know. I really don't."

.

.

There were bad days. When Shikamaru wished nothing more than to never leave his bed and turn off his brain, which kept masochistically replaying the astonishing number of times Shikamaru had screwed up,  _he should have been smarter, stronger, better, he should have saved his friends and family_ ,  _he was supposed to be the strategist, it was his goddamn job._

And then there was The Bad Day. What other people called the end of the war's anniversary, and Shikamaru called hell.

On The Bad Day, Shikamaru didn't talk to anyone. Not even to his mother. They both had different ways of coping. She kept herself busy, washing the house obsessively and taking care of the garden, before leaving to clean his old man's tombstone at the end of the afternoon. Shikamaru… Shikamaru stayed in his room all day. Without eating, drinking or sleeping. Staring at his dad's shogi board and wallowing in his misery.

The next day he would be fine. Functional at least. But on The Bad Day. No. He didn't  _want_ to be functional. And people knew better than to bother him.

Well. People usually did.

A soft knock against his door. Shikamaru opened his eyes.

"Hey," Naruto's voice carried through. It sounded strange. A quiet rumble instead of the usual thunder. "It's us. Can we come in?"

No. They couldn't. No one could come in. Only Shikamaru and the ghosts of his failures allowed.

"Okay," Naruto started again after a pause. "Hinata and I are going to spend the day at the memorial today. We brought flowers and food. We're gonna talk about..them.  _To_  them. You don't have to come, but...we thought we should offer. Ya know. No pressure."

Seemed nice. Better than what he was doing. Yet Shikamaru...Shikamaru  _couldn't_  do that. He just couldn't.

"It's fine, Shika," Naruto said gently. "You know where to find us if you change your mind. We're there for you if you need. Always."

"Take care of yourself, Shikamaru-kun," Hinata added, her voice barely carrying through the door.

The sound of their footsteps gradually disappeared. Shikamaru stared at his ceiling for a long moment.

Then got on his feet.

.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Friedom and justanothercatgirl kindly helped out! Kudos to them for betaing my mess^^
> 
> So I'm back, still not knowing what I'm doing but trying my best! My life is kind of ectic right now, and it won't get better in the few next months. That is to say don't expect updates from me too soon. I do intend to finish that story! One day.
> 
> Thanks for the support, you guys rock!

**Author's Note:**

> English is not my first language, but I'm now beta'ed by the amazing DemiStorm for the chapter 1, 2 and 3, kudos to them! And to falterth for playing matchmaker xD  
> Chapter 4 was betaed by the incredible ShiroShiki27, because i'm unfaithful like that
> 
> If you want to talk to me, or just hang out with cool people, the link of the Naruto discord sever I'm lurking in is [Genjutsu Support Group](https://discord.gg/cEE8Rj8)
> 
> Please leave a comment on your way out!


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